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5 other things we’d like to know about Jim Inhofe

11:02 AM EDT on August 11, 2020

2020 has been hard on Oklahomans everywhere, including our esteemed Senator Jim Inhofe. Last week, the Oklahoma Democratic Party call for an investigation into Inhofe's "ethics" after it was found that defense contractor stock magically made it into his portfolio after the senator had lobbied to Trump to increase defense spending. But you know what? The ODP aren't the only people who have questions about the senator. So here are 5 other things we’d like to know about Jim Inhofe!

Why did you never return my email in 2011?

In 2011, little baby college freshman Hayley was just becoming “woke” to politics after taking her first college-level political science class. I don’t remember what the hell I asked you in my email, but I do remember not even receiving a generic staff-written response in return. I am still salty about it 9 years later.


Do you really do your own stunts?

Real question, because you’ve gotta have a lot of metaphorical balls to potentially endanger the lives of construction workers by landing a plane on a closed runway and fly upside down to prove your electability or whatever.


Do you even read the bills you vote against?

Because tweeting about eating cheeseburgers in protest of the Green New Deal makes as much sense as using a snowball to attempt to counter a scientific consensus on global warming. Speaking of which…


Where’d you get your sno-cone machine?

There’s a tiny sno-cone shack sitting outside of my neighborhood that’s generally open from Memorial Day to Labor Day, but COVID-19 sadly seems to have shuttered it this season. That being said, I haven’t had a Salty Frog all summer and I am a salty broad for it. That “snowball” you presented on the Senate Floor was a little too white and round, so I’d really like to know where’d you get your sno-cone machine.


How much did you get for your soul?

From slaughtering pigeons for sport and voting against disaster relief after Hurricane Sandy, to going to a grocery store maskless during a global pandemic to buy a case of Corona beer the same month that he voted against a COVID-19 federal relief package, it seems like somewhere along his 53 years in public office Inhofe must have lost his soul. It also seems like Inhofe has spent a lot of tax-payer funded visits doing “a Jesus thing” in Uganda and hanging out with Doug Coe of the Fellowship Foundation, so maybe he’s trying to earn some brownie points back with the lord.


Hayley traded her soul for Alice Cooper tickets. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek

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