Top 15 Derplahoman Politicians of the 2010’s…
10:29 AM EST on December 30, 2019
Back in 2013, a new, glorious word appeared on The Lost Ogle for the very first time: Derplahoman.
Although the word doesn't have a true definition, this is how Patrick described it way back then:
You know who Derplahomans are. They're those ignorant people who think Obama is Muslim communist dictator, want prayer (and guns) allowed in public schools, and think gay people are the biggest threat to the country. They live around you, work around you, and vote for all the bat-shit crazies that run this state.
Wow. Who would have thought way back then that a person with Derplahoman values would be elected president in 2016! What a great world we leave in today!
As you know, the word Derplahoman stuck around here like an Oklahoma lawmaker at a strip club. As we near the end of the decade, and get all reflective on life, journeys and feeling blessed, we thought it would be fun to take a look back at some of the great Derplahoman leaders we've covered on this site over the past 10 years. Did your favorite one make the cut?
Check out the list below:
#15 Paul Scott
State Senator Paul Scott is known for authoring bills to eliminate healthcare for low income Oklahoma women, finding sexual assault memes entertaining, and apparently making up fake news to appear patriotic as f*ck to his constituents. He is also known for getting wildly offended at TLO articles, which puts the icing on the Derplahoman cake. All that being said, our favorite thing about Paul Scott is that he's a smart businessman, and created an x-ray company that enters into contracts with the state while serving as a lawmaker. All Derplahomans like a good conflict of interest.
#14 Josh Breechen
In the years 2011 through 2016, former State Senator Josh Breechen introduced bills that would allow Oklahoma science teachers to refrain from teaching actual science. In 2017 he took a break from trying to make the Oklahoma public education system even worse than it already was and wrote Senate Bill 694, which attempted to ban Oklahoma cities from implementing non-discrimination laws that aim to protect members of the LGBTQIA+ community. In other news, his motivational speaking website is still up for us all to enjoy. You’re welcome.
#13 Tess Teague
Former State Representative Tess Teague is known for her ridiculously not-so-private “private” snapchats being leaked. She made this list because the only thing better than a Derplahoman lawmaker complaining about “paid protestors” at the state capital is aDerplahoman lawmaker complaining about “paid protestors” at the state capital while using a cheetah snapchat filter.
#12 Dan Fisher
Former State Representative Dan Fisher is known for wanting to stop the teaching AP History courses in Oklahoma while being the founding member of an organization that seems hell-bent on creating it’s own “history” of an America founded on Christian ideology. Maybe if he would’ve taken the AP course he was looking to abolish, he wouldn’t have made this list of Derplahomans after all.
#11 Randy Brogdon
Randy Brogdon is a former state senator, gubernatorial candidate and GOP Chair in our state who is known for believing alleged domestic violence perpetrators can still be fine young men and that using racist metaphors doesn’t make you racist. Though he may not have won his race for governor in 2010, he hasn’t lost his place on our list of Derplahoman lawmakers.
#10 Carol Hefner
As a try-hard socialite turned failed politician, Carol Hefner may not seem like she belongs on the list of Derplahoman lawmakers. But take a gander at her racist, bigoted Facebook posts and you’ll see that she fits right in after all.
#9 Justin Humphrey
In 2017 State Representative Justin Humphrey was hailed for reminding us that women are merely “hosts” to unborn parasites children. Also according to his failed HB 1441, though it is apparently solely the woman’s fault she accidentally got pregnant, Humphrey believed the father of the unborn needed to consent to any abortion. His host must be so proud of the good work he did for Oklahoma.
#8 Joseph Silk
State Senator Joseph Silk has spent much of his time in office warning Oklahomans about the dangers of abortion, the LBGTQIA+ community, and daylight savings time. He’s like Paul Revere, but with a membership to the Rush Limbaugh fan club.
#7 Nathan Dahm
One of the most loyal and stringent Derplahoman gun nuts at the capital, this guy has such warped views that he's essentially been excommunicated from the Oklahoma Senate. He has a parking pass and gets to vote on laws (probably "no" unless it's unconstitutional) and that's about it.
#6 Markwayne McMullin
US Representative and former MMA fighter Markwayne Mullin is a wild card in Oklahoma politics. In 2017 Markwayne informed his constituents that he didn’t know how taxes worked when he told a crowd that he pays his own congressional salary. In 2018 he ignorantly referred to the Trail of Tears as a “volunteer walk.” Being that he retracted his promise to only serve three terms in office by running for a fourth, he’ll probably be on the next decade’s Derplahoman lawmaker list as well.
#5 John Bennett
Patrick said it best, when he noted that former State Representative John Bennett is “a racist, Islamophobic, derplahoman tool head.” In 2015 Bennett apparently suggested a veteran become a suicide bomber when he disagreed with him, in 2016 sponsored a hella Islamaphobic “study” to cut the “cancer” of Islam out of Oklahoma, and in 2017 advocated spanking children more to help teachers out in the classroom. Thank God Oklahoma finally cut the “cancer” of John Bennett out of Oklahoma politics.
#4 Sally Kern
Although she made earned most of her Derplahoman stripes last decade, Sally Kern will always go down as as one of the most bigoted and backwards lawmakers to wreak havoc on the Oklahoma people. Thank God her anti-obscenity bill didn’t pass, so we still have the ability to wish her a merry “f*ck you” if we want to.
#3 Mary Fallin
Is Mary Fallin a true Derplahoman? We're going to guess "yes." Although this blurb alone could link to about 5,000 different TLO articles, so we'll just link to this article about her Top 10 Accomplishments as Oklahoma Governor.
#2 Ralph Shortey
It was a no-brainer for former State Senator Ralph Shortey to make this decade’s short list. Shortey first made headlines on TLO in 2012 when he admitted to beating an attacking turkey to death with a club because he forgot his gun at home. He then appeared on the Daily Show in, talking about people beating themselves off. Later, he was found to be beaten at his own “family values” bullshit game when he was arrested in a hotel room with an underage prostitute. Shortey had a lot of competition to beat, but he earned his number 2 spot.
#1 Jim Inhofe
From using snowballs to prove global warming doesn’t exist and slaughtering pigeons because he probably can’t hunt, to using cheeseburgers to protest the Green New Deal and being “proud” of not (knowingly) having any homosexual relatives, our esteemed Senator Jim Inhofe has put in a lot of work to make it to the #1 spot on this decade’s list of Derplahoman lawmakers. Come on, who else has given us approximately 30,138 reasons to call them an idiot?
Who did Hayley miss? Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek