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David Payne’s Radar Dong Won Yesterday’s Severe Weather Coverage…

11:03 AM EDT on May 21, 2019

The apocalyptic severe weather event that struck Oklahoma yesterday kind of reminds me of the final season of Game of Thrones. They were both overhyped and they both under-delivered, but we all watched anyway. Hell, at one point I expected Gary England to sneak onto the News 9 set and stab David Payne in the heart, and then see Payne's screamin' eagle, Vortices, scorch Nex-Gen radar with one long breath of hail fire.

But, alas, that didn't happen. The most exciting part of last night's weather coverage had to be David Payne fending off this epic radar dong as it flew across Oklahoma City.

We've shared a lot of severe weather dongs over the years. Although the dong appears to be weakening as it hits a cold front, this could be the best one ever. Not only does it look like God (or Serge Ibaka) appeared on radar and took a gigantic piss on Jones, but I really like David Payne's gray camouflage weather suit. It matches the News 9 weather map perfectly!

Another similarity between yesterday's urgent, level 5, pink-bubbles-all-over-the-map PDS weather event and Game of Thrones is that they both delivered mixed—if not primarily negative—reactions on social media.

Where Game of Thrones fans couldn't believe showrunners decided to boil five seasons worth of deep, nuanced material into a cliche-driven, logic-defying, six-episode montage of head-scratching plot points, lots of residents in the OKC metro TV viewing audience couldn't believe we, once again, shut down schools and businesses for what turned out to be a run-of-the-mill, late-May mix of heavy rain, flash-flooding and a few isolated tornadoes.

I understand the anger. I think it's absurd that most metro school districts closed for Monday on Sunday night, but can you really blame them, when the for-profit media shares doomsday stuff like this?

For what it's worth, the metro didn't receive any tornado strikes. In fact, I don't think it started raining here until 5 p.m., but it also looks like we dodged a screamin' eagle or two. Check out this map of the original NWS PDS area dotted with the tornadoes that actually touched ground:

Basically, the tornadoes missed us like a bunch of scorpion arrows. Great! Yippee! But the severe-weather-hype media, once again, oversold a storm system and shut down a city. Boo. Hiss. Yippee!

Here are a few other notes and observations about last night's coverage:

• I'm not sure if David Payne got a new weather term glossary for Christmas, but he was testing a shitload of new catchphrases and weather terms. You can find a lot in the replies to this tweet:

• He could be trying out some new meds or simply missed Marla, but Mike Morgan was more subdued than normal. He just hasn't been the same since KFOR made him take off the bedazzled weather tie.

• Damon Lane is still trying to build chemistry with his new stormchasers. They weren't always on the same page, but on a positive note, there were no premature tornado declarations.

Anyway, I guess that kind of sum things up. I would continue writing this recap, but just like I do with GoT, I need to re-watch last night's coverage to see if there's anything I missed.


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