I'm gonna be upfront with you here: I'm a goddamn grinch. I hate the Christmas season and all resulting culture that surrounds it. Maybe it's because I grew up as a Jehovah's Witness, and had to spend every grade school Christmas party sitting in the hallway by myself with a dollar store coloring book. The decorations are tacky, are music is dreadful, and the whole month of December is stressful to everyone involved.
So when Patrick asked me last night to write about a televised Christmas special on NBC from local ventriloquist Darci Lynne, I immediately said yes, because the only other thing I could think of to share with you was a story about how Oklahoma jails are now collecting DNA samples from people who have been arrested. As it turns out, a white teenager from Edmond is more compelling for y'all, so read up!
In case you were as clueless as me and had no idea who Darci Lynne is, we briefly wrote her up a year ago just before she won the 2017 season of America's Got Talent. She's a 14 year-old ventriloquist, singer and comedian, and in 2018 managed to get her own holiday special on prime-time on a major network, so I've got nothing bad to say about her. Making a living in entertainment is difficult enough, let alone having your gimmick being puppets...
But my soul is black and here I am, ready and willing to just spit foulness over this whole thing because of the holiday it belongs to. Jesus' birthday was nowhere in the bible, consumerism is a rampant disease in our culture, and there ain't a single Christmas song that slaps, so it can all get outta here.