Like most Americans, I've experienced a wide range of childhood traumas that helped transform me into the flawed, chemically dependent, semi-functioning adult human that I am today. One of those was early and excessive exposure to my dad's terrifying ventriloquist dummy, Mr. Freddy.
Here's the photographic evidence:
Yep. That's not a set photo from a Stephen King movie or a Polaroid from a serial killer's scrapbook. That's a real photo of me, my dad and Mr. Freddy in 1978. It makes me nauseous just looking it. Seriously, imagine not doing your chores and then being told Mr. Freddy's going to come out of the box to sing to you? It helps explain things, doesn't it?
Although I now have occasional nightmares about being chased through the streets of Bricktown by evil red-haired dummies, I must say that I'm very proud of local ventriloquist Darci Lynne Farmer. We first learned about Darci when KFOR featured her in a 2016 segment. Now she's reached the big time and made the semifinals of America's Got Talent – one of the defining shows of today's American idiocracy.
Here's a clip of Darci's last performance with her pal Oscar: