Man, there's nothing I love more than seeing Oklahoma on TV.
Just kidding. Usually it's a little embarrassing. Like, even when we get recognized for something good or overcoming a huge tragedy, there's a dude in a "she wants the D" shirt there. So, I'm definitely wary of any sort of media attention that Oklahoma gets.
But with that, I thought maybe we could take the reigns of the media machine. Maybe if we manufactured the stories that were told, we'd come out looking better in the end. Move over, Sweet Home Oklahoma and Street Outlaws! Here are 7 Oklahoma reality shows.
After the bad PR Braum's has received from making their burgers smaller and trying to take over Classen Curve, this will be their bid to make it right. In this show, executives from Braum's will hold a Great British Bake Off-style show where people compete weekly to make the best sundae. As contestants are eliminated, the competition will really heat up. And the winner will get their signature sundae featured on the Braum's sundae menu. And once it's on the Braum's menu, Braum's will tell you how many grams of protein it has.
This would just be a live feed of what's happening at the HiLo at any given time. If you've been to the HiLo, you know you'd watch this.
I've spent a lot of time wondering what goes on in the small locally owned shops about town. Who are these people who open them? What do they do all day? Why don't they have better hours to accommodate customers? This show would be a behind-the-scenes look of local stores and the art majors who opened them. Like most reality shows, each episode would have a bit of manufactured drama -- something like "Oh no, the Gazette will be here today but our one employee totally trashed the window display!"
Real Housekeepers of Gaillardia
I'll never understand why people watch those Real Housewife shows. Sure, the women on TV have money, but really wealthy people don't need to build their brand on a garbage show. Also, I know that some folks love the drama, but there's a better source for that. Imagine a show that interviews the housekeepers of rich folks. And these housekeepers are compensated for divulging as much information as possible. No one can spread drama like a person who has seen the label of that anti-fungal cream you threw in the trash.
The Oklahoman on TV
You know that show where TMZ people riff on the stories they've posted? This is what that show would be like, only Oklahoman reporters would be doing it. Just imagine Nolan Clay giving you the rundown of his latest strip club story as Ben Felder and Jenni Carlson look on in abject horror. Sure, it's unorthodox, but it might be just the thing to make print journalism profitable again.
Downtown Building Tours with Steve Lackmeyer
You remember that BBC show where Sister Wendy would take you see art at museums? That's what this show would be, only Steve would take us to see old buildings.
We don't really have a bustling taxi market here in Oklahoma City, but with the new streetcar, I'm sure we could get some great hidden camera footage. Much like the show Taxicab Confessions, the driver of the streetcar would direct the conversation of passengers so that they would reveal informational bombshells. And while Taxicab Confessions led to some pretty graphic conversations, I have a feeling this show would wind up as a series of clips of people talking the latest episode of Live PD.
Marisa hasn't had cable since 2007, and even if this list of shows were made, she still wouldn't pay for it. Follow her on Twitter.