Three or four weeks ago, Representative John Bennett, the Islamophobic state rep who is not seeking re-election so he can spend more time shooting guns with is family, had a solution for the recent peril in Oklahoma classrooms. Bennett claimed that it was not a lack of funding that was making teachers’ jobs so hard, but a lack of spanking at home and in the classroom. See teachers? You walked out for no reason! Instead of pay raises and classroom funding, you just need paddles and a sadistic personality.
Many Oklahomans reacted to his statement with an overall cry of, “WTF.” So to help Bennett get a little more in touch with the reality of the situation, I have compiled a list of things classrooms need more than corporal punishment. So here are 10 things Oklahoma teachers need in the classroom more than spanking.
Vodka
Let’s do a little imaginational exposure here. Picture yourself sitting at your desk grading papers in a second grade class. To your right you see one kid pour Elmer’s glue on his palm so when it dries he can peel it off like snake skin. To your left, another kid is farting into her hand. Between them are 27 other little sparkling rays of sunshine competing with each other over who can make the most realistic burp noise. And state testing is in two days. Now you kind of get it. At least give them a way to cope.