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10 Reasons Oklahoma is Great for Women

6:30 AM EDT on March 19, 2018

Recently, I discovered my editorial doppelganger at The Oklahoman. So what if contributor Richard Hall has a beard and probably fewer anxiety symptoms than yours truly. We are similar in that we both share a love of creating click-baity lists that help our fellow Oklahomans procrastinate for 5-8 minutes of their workday. Recently, Richard posted a listacle outlining 10 stats that show why Oklahoma ranks low for women. However, I think the list was a little pessimistic. As a woman in our state, I find there are many awesome attributes that make Oklahoma a great place for lady-folk. So here are 10 of ‘em.

Ladies’ Nights

So what if women in our state own fewer business, are less represented in state government, and are poorer. With Ladies’ Nights all around OKC, women in the metro can finally say they have more opportunity for special treatment than men. There is nothing like getting into Redneck Yacht Club free before 10:00 PM on a Wednesday night to make you feel respected and not at all like bait.

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Our Female Governor

Our state actually feels somewhat progressive in that we are only one of six states with an active female governor. It is important for young girls and women in Oklahoma to have someone they can look up to and model their lives after. However, like the older sibling through whom you vicariously learned what teenage shenanigans your parents will and will not punish, it is important for young people to also learn from the mistakes of such role models. Thankfully Mary Fallin’s performance as governor has given young Oklahoma women many mistakes to learn from.

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The Brewery Selection

OKC has breweries sprinkled graciously throughout the metro like Oklahoma lawmakers in the fourth circle of hell. I am a woman, I like beer, and by-God I wrote this damn post. The breweries make Oklahoma a great place for women.

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Job Opportunities

According to Indeed.com there are hundreds of secretary positions open around the metro. Which is great for Oklahoma women, because according to Kirk Humphreys, this is apparently the only job they can do.

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The Lady-Friendly Groupons

There’s a groupon for 44% off women’s haircuts at various metro salons right now. You’ll save so much money you’ll have the funds to pay for someone to fix your discount haircut.

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Freedom from Responsibility

Only around 39% of managerial positions in the state are filled by women. That means you can usually get by as a woman in the workplace without being assigned to the time consuming tasks of being in charge of making big financial decisions for companies or managing lazy subordinates who are more effective at irritating you than they are completing their tasks on time. It also means that women don’t always get the same pay, titles, or advancement opportunities. But you know, you win some you lose some.

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Women are in the News

Women in Oklahoma are newsworthy! So what if that news often revolves around incest, fake Blake Sheltons, or bees. At least women are being recognized for something.

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Women’s Only Gyms

There are nearly half a dozen women’s only gyms throughout the metro. Thus Oklahoma women are free to have $19.99 automatically withdrawn monthly from their checking account without the fear of being seen by the menfolk as they send a text while standing on the elliptical during their second gym visit for 2018.

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Women in Oklahoma Have a Purpose

Every year, Americans spend about $549 million on self-help books that aim to help them find purpose and meaning in life. Thankfully, women in Oklahoma don’t have to spend a penny to find such meaning and purpose because they know they are born with it. According to Representative Justin Humphrey, women’s purpose is for their bodies to be “hosts” to the unborn. However, according to women, Justin Humphrey is a sexist ass-hat.

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There Are More Women

Well ladies, it seems that there are more of us than there are of them. We revolt at dawn.

How does one revolt, actually? Tell me on twitter @squirrellygeek

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