We've reached the top 5 of our first ever countdown of the 20 Dumbest Oklahoma People, Places and Things of 2017. This was a fun list to put together, and much like Ogle Madness, Monday Morning Tweets and typos, it will become a regular TLO tradition.
Check out the top 5 below:
5. OSU Motorcycle Brahs
I think we've all seen enough fights at Graham's to know that you shouldn't mess with hillbilly trailer park trash from rural Oklahoma. They're tough, no nonsense men and women who live in pack-like units where family trees run in straight lines, and like sandpeople, move in single file to hide their numbers.
Back in September, a pack of douchebag OSU Motorcycle Brahs learned this the hard way when they decided to confront some guy for allegedly cutting them off. A few minutes later, they found themselves staring down a shotgun by Yosemite Sam's slow cousin while their road warrior leader was getting his ass kicked while wearing a motorcycle helmet. It was a beautiful, dumb thing to watch.
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4. OU Cheerleader Prostitute and Ex-Football Player Pimp
2017 was a PR nightmare of a year for Oklahoma's favorite chain of poor ice cream and dairy store – Braum's.
They kicked things off in May by nonchalantly reducing the size of their signature 1/3 hamburger to standard 1/4-pound patty and then pretending like nothing happened. They also made changes to their once-delicious milkshakes and malts recipe. The moves sent cheap, chubby, obese and even some skinny people into a social media commenting, scale-busting outrage, which, of course, Braum's underestimated and mishandled like a large drive-thru order.
2a.Mary Fallin 2b. Charles McCall 2c. 2017 legislative session
I've written probably 50,000 words this year about Mary Fallin, Charles McCall, and the disastrous, accomplish-nothing-but-shame 2017 Oklahoma legislative session. Trust me on this – they are all dumb. In fact, they're so dumb that I couldn't determine which to rank ahead of the other. It would be like choosing which testicle you want chopped off with an ice pick, so I gave them all co-honors.
Seriously, if you want to know why Oklahoma seems to rank last in everything, look no further than these ideological puppets for Oklahoma's oil overlords and the establishment ruling class. They worship money first, power second, and ineptitude third. They're so anti-government that, surprise surprise, they're basically destroying our government. They've done an amazing job of leading Oklahoma into the toilet and making sure we stay there.