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Mary Fallin’s budget proposal is a total disaster…

1:17 PM EST on February 7, 2017

One of the scariest things about the Oklahoma budget crisis is that we're forced to rely on the same people who helped caused the problem to somehow fix it. It's a scary proposition. It would be like going back to the same bad plastic surgeon who botched your Botox injections for a brow lift. It's probably not going to end well.

On the topic of bad plastic surgeons, Mary Fallin cruelly reminded us she's still governor yesterday by giving her annual "State of the State" speech. It's one of the few times of the year where people pretend to listen and take her seriously. The expressions on the faces of Lt. Governor Lamb and Speaker McCall say it all...

In the address, Mary laid out a "bold" plan to raise us from the depths of this budget-crunch recession four-day-school-week hell hole we're living in by raising taxes on all Oklahomans. Well, almost all Oklahomans. Her first big pitch was to eliminate corporate income taxes...

Dear God, do the Devon Energies, Continental Resources and other Gepetto's that pull Mary Fallin's string have no shame? Eliminate the corporate income tax? WTF. Other than appeasing the people who run and control this state with campaign donations, what does that accomplish? I thought we were supposed to raise revenue! Not do away with it. At least wait until the next oil boom to pull this draconian B.S!

Seriously, how could any living human be for eliminating the corporate income tax? Although they can't feel love or pain or happiness or sadness, corporations are "people," too. They should also have to pay taxes on their income.

Also, there are two states that don't have any form of corporate income or gross receipt taxes. That would be South Dakota and Wyoming. Are those the states we really want to be like? Also, check out our corporate income tax rate compared to other states. It doesn't need to be lower...

In addition to cutting corporate income taxes, Mary decided to pander to headline readers and called for an elimination in grocery sales taxes...

I don't have a problem removing a tax on food, but groceries? Sorry, but I don't think Pop Tarts, Coca-Cola, Funyuns and all the other cheap, processed, unhealthy, sugar-infused products you'll find at the grocery store should be immune from taxation. If anything, they should be taxed more due to all the health problems they cause.

Although her proposals for tax eliminations are misguided and would probably cause our state to lose more revenue, I actually agreed with some of Fallin's plans. For example, she proposed a higher tax on cigarettes.

I don't smoke... cigarettes, so I don't really have problem with this. In fact, I think the tax should be higher, and the excess funds should go towards a tax credit program that reimburses individuals for laundry-related expenses incurred by going to a smoky bar with friends.

Mary also proposed raising Oklahoma's low gasoline tax, and directing all funds to the Department of Transportation for road maintenance and improvements. Here are the details...

Just like most Oklahomas, I don't like paying taxes. That being said, I understand why we do. I guess that makes me a libtard.

Anyway, if you look at it objectively, our gasoline taxes probably do need to go up. Oklahoma's roads and bridges have a been a punchline for too long. They cost us billions. I'm willing to pay an extra dollar or two at the pump to help preserve the life and integrity of my car and general sanity.

That being said, before you hop in line at On Cue (or QuikTrip) to get cheap gas before it goes away, keep in mind that this is a pipe dream. Oklahoman's hate gas taxes. In fact, we had a state question on the ballot in 2005 that would have essentially accomplished what Fallin is proposing. This is how well it did...

Yeah, I don't see raising gas taxes being at the top of the legislature's agenda. Their number one goal is to be re-elected – not fix problems. Also, increasing taxes on gasoline would require political courage, something most of our lawmakers don't have.

Mary Fallin introduced other ideas to raise revenue. Naturally, none of them included repealing the pointless income tax cuts a few years ago, or renegotiating the ridiculously low energy production taxes. Those would disproportionately impact corporations and the wealthy. We can't have that, otherwise their crumbs won't trickle down to the rest of us.

One thing Mary does want to tax, though, is the wind...

Yeah, we should probably do away with the wind subsidies. If we're not going to have welfare for people, we probably shouldn't have it for corporations. That's why I think CEOs of companies should be required to pass a drug test before their company receives tax credits.

But did you catch the part at the end? Mary Fallin wants to tax the wind. Uhm, okay. What's next? Taxing the rain that falls in your garden? What about the clouds that block the sun to create shade? Let's tax all of mother nature's resources... except for the highly-profitable carbon-based solutions found deep underground.

In addition to revenue proposals, Mary Fallin also addressed the teachers pay issue.

Yep, that's right. $1,000! Way to go, teachers. Go buy the Ideal Home of your dreams and splurge on the fixtures! You're about to get rich!

Seriously, though, can you be any more insulting to our teachers? According to Mary's math it costs $60,000,000 to give all Oklahoma teachers a $1,000 a year raise. Based on that logic, keeping the taxes on "groceries" ($234-million) and corporations ($140-million) would fund a $6,000 a year raise. Just pointing that out.

Anyway, you can read Mary's budget proposal here. Outside of the corporate tax elimination, I doubt the legislature takes it too seriously. Just like that return trip to the plastic surgeon, they'll find a way to butcher it and make it worse.

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