On CNN’s State of the Union Sunday morning, South Carolina’s lieutenant governor said Governor Mary Fallin would help Donald Trump get the job done.
“She’s been in Congress, she’s been a 3 term lieutenant governor, she’s been a highly successful governor cutting the pension deficit in half, dealt with national disasters, an articulate, well spoken, attractive woman that can balance Trump, I think, is the perfect VP candidate,” Andre Bauer said.
That's hysterical. I've used a lot of adjectives to describe Mary Fallin over the years. I don't think "articulate," "well-spoken" and "highly successful governor" have once crossed my mind. I usually chose more accurate words like "incompetent," "confused" and "fuck my life." But then again, what do I know? I'm just a guy from Oklahoma who has seen what Mary Fallin's reign of indecision and incompetence has done to this state over the past six years.
Here's what else the guy had to say:
"I think you're going to see something different. I think what he will do is he won't go with the norm that you pick a battleground state and you pick somebody from that state or a rival candidate," he said. "I think he's going to say, 'Who can help me get the job done?' and I think he needs some balance, and I like Mary Fallin for that reason."
In all honesty, "Mary Fallin, Vice Presidential Candidate" probably doesn't sound so absurd to an ill-informed cable news Trump supporter from South Carolina. She is a conservative, female Governor from the reddest of red states. She's pro-life, pro-gun, pro-corporation, and pro-rich people. If you judge the book by its cover, she has everything the GOP wants on a ticket opposite of Hillary Clinton. Little do they know that once you open the book and peel back the pages, you'll find nothing but a list of failures, doodles and dried boogers.
Obviously, Donald Trump has to be aware of this. He's met Mary a few times over the years at fundraisers and campaign stops. He has to know about her issues, incompetencies and, uhm, troopers. Here's what he had to say about the pick:
Dear Holy God,
Although I worship Gary England as a deity and consider "Those Terrible Twisters" to be sacred text, can you please please please make this happen. Sure, Vice President Mary Fallin would be awful for America and the rest of the world, but just think of how great it would be for Oklahoma. Her replacement will probably do an equally awful job, but we can dream. Plus, TLO will get a ton of web traffic when Hipster Boo Boo parks her trailer on the White House lawn.
Anyway, you have to wonder if Mary would take the job if Trump offered it to her. She's probably dumb enough to do it, but you have to remember she's an establishment Republican at her core. She's essentially made of fracking fluid, corporate subsidies and Devon Energy Talking Points. Would Larry Nichols really want his creation to join the campaign of a bigoted angry populist?
Here's Mary's statement.
It's a great honor to even be mentioned as a possible consideration for vice president. However, my first and foremost goal is fulfilling my duties as governor to grow the economy while continuing to work on developing solutions for issues and challenges facing Oklahoma.
Oh no! She wants to focus on developing solutions for issues and challenges facing Oklahoma?! We're all screwed! Grab some pillows and blankets and move to the center room in the lower level of your house and take cover immediately! Actually, I doubt that will protect you from earthquakes, job layoffs, budget cuts and all the other things that have blossomed under Mary's leadership, so don't worry about it. All we can do now is pray for the best.