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Foods at Quiktrip, ranked

12:00 PM EDT on September 24, 2015

In the endless Tulsa vs OKC debate, my trump card has always been QuikTrip. What's not to love? Well-lit premises, a variety of fresh and processed foods, the candy bar rack practically glows, and the actually carry Core Powers!

In honor of my favorite snack stop, I thought I'd power rank some of the most noteworthy foods QuikTrip has served over the recent years. Feel free to chime in and let me know what some of your favorite (or least favorites) are.


10. Buffalo Chicken Roller

Of all the frankendelicacies Quiktrip has exposed us to (cheese burger, loaded potato, and mac and cheese rollers just to name a few) the buffalo chicken concoction makes my list solely because it was the freakiest. Picture chicken nugget meat meal, molded into a cylindrical patty, dunked in hot sauce, frozen, then rotated over and over again on what the execs at QT deemed a "roller grill" until they're toasty. They'll remain on that nifty invention until some stoned dude moseys in with a hankerin' for something spicy and the Hot Fries are all out. In other words, they'll remain there for an eternity.



9. QT Kitchens Pre-Packed Sandwiches

Kudos to QT sandwiches, they've done nothing if not stood the test of time. Despite the weird mushy yet dry texture of the bread, Tulsans will find themselves eating a QT Club Sandwich at least thrice yearly. To busy to eat a proper lunch? QT roast beef sammich. Need a snack you can throw in your girlfriend's purse for a movie? Turkey on a croissant. Drunk in the middle of the night? Ham and cheese, baby.



8. Pizza

I don't know if this really counts. What bozo can't make a decent pizza? Still, the fresh, hot, and melty presentation is what sets this convenience store staple apart from every other gas station in the world. Pizza isn't pizza unless the first bite burns the roof of your mouth.



7. Kolaches

Good in theory, but the dough-to-meat ration is all wrong. It's like a poorly executed sausage roll. Next!



6. Taquito

Ah the taquito, as synonymous to Quiktrip as Big Macs are to McDonald's, breadsticks are to Olive Garden, and questionable townies are to Applebee's (sry Patrick, BFF4L!). The great success of the taquito is why all food invented by Quiktrip from the years 2004-2010 were exclusively produced in log form (see #10 Buffalo Chicken Roller).

Here's my problem with the taquito. The two crunchy end bites were both delicious, but the meaty bites in the middle kind of reminded me of the sludge served in season 3 of Orange is the New Black. A mono-texture stew that might have tasted like beef tips and Monterrey jack before they were tossed in a food processor and simmered for 7 days straight in a hotel pan. Despite the QT taquito's loyal fans everywhere, I could never really hop on the wagon.



5. Cheese Bread Sticks

This is hard to describe, but the cheesy breadsticks that QT carried for some time had a distinctive elementary-school-cafeteria-stuffed-crust-pizza quality to it. You know exactly what I'm talking about though--the bread that hardens unless you scarf it down while it's still warm, the way the cheese separates and congeals into its own unit within the walls of the crust. I remember breaking one of these QT snacks open on my way to a float trip (yeah...), inhaling the delicious salty and greasy scent of the cheese, biting into it, was immediately transferred to Jenks Southeast Elementary's cafetorium, eating the mozzarella stuffed pizza with a side of green beans, applesauce, and a carton of milk. The glory days.



4. Freezoni

What am I talking about. I hate these things! You can't have more than two sips without getting a headache and hypoglycemic crash from all the sugar. Still, the glorious line of bright colors tempts me every time. Maybe 10 years ago, QT came out with a recipe book, teaching your how to make creamsicles and rainbow sherbet and mocha fudge slushies. I think my mouth was like, permanently purple that entire summer. Well played Chet Cadieux. QT - 1, Chelsea - 0.



3. Bac'n Milkshake

I had the pleasure of reviewing this delicacy last year. While I still stand by my review and firmly believe they need to make a chunky piggy-topping Sonic Blast type thing, (instead of you know, pulverizing the bacon to fine granules of grit), I'll still give credit where credit is due.



2. Hot Dogs

Stealing is for gross losers--but being a former emo scene girl who was known to hang out with a few gross losers, let's just say I've seen a handful of rogue skinny-jeans-wearing teen boys wrap hot dogs in the provided foil, place then in a Route 66 cup, fill the cup with ice to abscond the foil pack, then pay for (or the nice, unsuspecting cashier give away) the jumbo cup of ice. I always felt bad about this, even as a dumb for emo scene girl. Now, knowing about the lovely family who owns Quiktrip and how they give their employees benefits and generous pay, I feel even worse about it.

In itself, this was a bit of a daunting task. I mean, the ice rarely settled perfectly, and if one was caught it'd surely mean their parents would ground them from going to Tulsa World Satellite's Battle of the Bands and ban them from listening to their favorite New Found Glory and AFI CDs. So rather than paying the $1.50 for the damn hot dog, kids moved on to double bagging their dogs (hehe) then filling the rest of the cup with a (#4) Freezoni. Kids are disgusting.

I hope kids still aren't doing this today. QT hot dogs have gone fancy, with their sauerkraut, salsa, cheese, pickles, sport pepper, caramelized onions, aioli, and fancy mustard bar. An accidental (yet inevitable) tear in the foil lining takes on a whole new level of risk when sriracha sauce is involved.



1. Blueberry Pigs in a Blanket

SWEET MOTHER OF GOD. The sweet pancake, wrapped around a salty sausage...the way the first bite crunches with the seared yet moist piggy. This is what gas station dreams are made of! Do not let yourself go on a road trip without first stopping at QT for one or four of these babies. And if by "road trip," you actually mean "3 miles across highway 51," more power to you. The Blueberry Pig in a Blanket discriminates against none.


Follow Chelsea on Twitter at @xCawoodstock

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