Oklahoma Woman Gets Ratchet At Taco Bell
1:05 PM EDT on July 14, 2015
So a woman pulled a knife on a group of teenagers at an Oklahoma Taco Bell. Because of course.
Here’s the story: Amber Henson was mad that Taco Bell’s WiFi wasn’t working. She then got mad that some teenagers were blocking the soda fountain. She then wasted a soda on one of them. She then pulled a knife on them in the parking lot. Basically.
Upon reading this one would think the woman was evil, but not me. Not Dante Jordan. Not the kid. Nah, I know that there are two sides to every story, and I think I have an idea of what her side might be. Hear me out:
Amber Henson is probably a freelance writer, and like many of us (because boys be writin’), it’s tough to get the creative juices flowing within the confines of your own house. So she thinks to herself “Hmm, what’s my favorite place to be besides home?” Next thing you know, she’s walking through the door of Taco Bell, the only 5-Star restaurant in Tahlequah, Oklahoma. She has her backpack full of notebooks and pens, a MacBook Pro with a Hello Kitty sticker over the Apple logo, and a Beats by Dre headphones on deck. Basically, she’s ready to slide off into her creative zone. She opens Microsoft Word, and before the words fall onto the page, she thinks to herself “Boys kinda hungry tho.” Or excuse me, “Girls kinda hungry tho.”
So she goes up to the counter, and since she’s probably working out her summer body like the rest of us, she decides to keep it light: “Uhhh, yeah, lemme get a mufuckin uhhhhh…..matter fact, just let ya girl get two cheese roll ups.”
And here’s where the problems begin...
Her total comes out to $3.87 and she replies “What the fuck? Almost $2 each for some goddamn cheesy tortillas? Taco Bell, you’ve changed. You’ve forgotten where you come from.” But she pays anyway, because she needs those carbs for writing energy. That’s Strike One.
After getting her food, she heads over to the sauce station, and WHAT THE FUCK? HOW ARE Y’ALL OUT OF PACKETS OF MILD SAUCE, FAM?! WHAT TACO BELL RUNS OUT OF MILD SAUCE. YOU HAD ONE JOB, TACO BELL! That’s Strike Two..
She settles for Verde sauce, and then heads over to the fountain for a frosty beverage. She approaches the Mountain Dew Baja Blast (the only soda that matters) and OF COURSE. OF. COURSE. THE CAST OF THE SANDLOT IS STANDING IN THE FUCKING WAY, STARING AT THEIR IPHONES, JUST COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS TO THEIR SURROUNDINGS. She says excuse me. They don’t respond. She says it again. They continue to ignore her. So she pushes through like “Bruh…MOVE” and throughout this process she ends up wasting some of her Dew on one of these poopbutt ass kids. That’s Strike Three.
At this point, she’s completely out of patience. Anything else will push her over that edge of insanity. In walks Taco Bell’s weak ass WiFi connection...
She sits down, opens her laptop, tries to connect to WiFi, and she’s greeted with one bar of internet. One bar. She can’t even open Google. This is it, she can’t take it. Everyone knows the top 3 worst things in life are: 1) Donald Trump, 2) Cancer/AIDS 3) Bad WiFi. The only thing she came to Taco Bell for is now taken away from her. So now she looks for a scapegoat, someone has to take the blame for this, and where did she run out of patience? With those fucking kids. It’s all their fault, fam. So there’s only one logical thing to do: pack up her shit, head out to her Ford Focus, grab the security blade, and wait…Because someone has to get this work.
Out walks the teenagers, and it’s now gametime.
That’s her story. Well, probably.