Last week, Microsoft unveiled some gimicky website called How-Old.net that attempts to predict someone's age by analyzing a photo. As you've probably noticed, the site has taken over the Internet like a bad Buzzfeed quiz. Over the weekend, friends, family and co-workers clogged Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, SnapChat and even Adult Friend Finder feeds with images from the site. Although it's about as scientific and reliable as the Bible, the site seems to work. For example, it suggested I was an 82-year-old male. Considering the age of our universe, that's not far off.
Our "State's Most Trusted News" had some fun with the site. NewsOK.com tasked Richard ViralNovaBuzzfeedHall to give some Oklahoma Celebrities the How-Old.net treatment. It hit the mark on people like Joe Dorman, who it accurately listed as a 43-year-old man who still lives with is parents, but missed on Kevin Durant by longshot. The site thinks the former real-MVP is a 46 year old, which ironically enough is the age of Greg Oden, the man was drafted one spot ahead of KD in the 2007 NBA Draft.
Anyway, this is kind of embarrassing, but we considered posting a similar clickbait article, only to have The Oklahoman beat us to it. The only difference is we were going to focus on large-breasted Oklahoma models instead of celebrities. As a result, we decided to pay tribute to the team at OPUBCO by posting the ages and genders of 10 Oklahoman reporters.
Here we go:
Richard ViralNovaBuzzfeedHall
As we know, Richard is the paper's Clickbaitor-in-Chief. I had no clue he was so old. It's okay for a 36-year-old male to spend his afternoon's blogging, writing social media headlines and putting together slide shows, but only if he owns the blog. Doing it for a newspaper is sad.
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Brianna Bailey
60-years-old?! Yikes. Those walks down Western must be taking their toll. No wonder Brianna doesn't like Pearl Jam. They are way too new and trendy for her music tastes.
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Mel Bracht
Mel covers the sports media beat and writes editorials for the paper, which has apparently drained all the life out of him. Now I see why everyone in the newsroom calls him "Ghost Face Killa."
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Young Jenni Carlson
Hopefully I don't get a cease and desist for using that photo.
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Old Jenni Carlson
I think there's about 10 year gap between the photos of young and old Jenni Carlson, but either A) the site is wrong or B) Jenni doesn't age. For the sake of everyone who enjoys quality sports writing, let's hope it's option A.
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Kyle Hinchey
Kyle is one of younger writers for The Oklahoman and looks like he should still be editing The Edmond Memorial High School newspaper, which I believe is called The Bulldogger or something. Marisa's esoteric Edmond editor note: All three high schools share a paper, Patrick. It's called the Ruff Draft.
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Helen Ford Wallace
So the website thinks society writer Helen Ford Wallace, a longtime writer for the paper who once covered the great land run of 89, is a 47-year-old man, but it lists Brianna Bailey as a 60-year-old woman? This is a Microsoft product, isn't it?
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Graham Lee Brewer
Graham is actually in his early 30s, but through a programming glitch, the website requires that the minimum age of any male with a ponytail is 40.
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Is it just me, or does Silas Allen kind of look like at young John Clayton? I wonder if they are related. When Silas starts asking Graham for ponytail advice, we'll know for sure.
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Let's give Steve Lackmeyer credit. It's not easy to look so young. He's been applying age-defying Oil of Olay all over his body since he was a kid to make his skin so soft and smooth.
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Old Boomer Tramel
Don't tell Foreman Scotty, but Boomer Tramel is way over the age of 40.
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Young Boomer Tramel
I think Berry was only 18 when this photo was taken, but in defense of How-Old.net, marijuana does age someone about five years or so.
