Welcome to Thursday, ladies and gentlemen. Today is the beginning of the real March Madness but the last part of the first round of Ogle Madness.
Today we head out west, where the games include a really tall guy from New Zealand and the most attractive Ogle:
(1) Lacey Swope vs (16) Emily Sutton's Okie
(8) Dean Blevins vs (9) Abigail Ogle
(4) Steven Adams vs (13) Bethany
(5) Oklahoma Hoodie Wearer vs (12) Video Vigilante
(1) Lacey Swope vs (16) Emily Sutton's Okie
Lacey Swope
Who she is: The defending Ogle Madness champion
Strengths: Killing animals
Weaknesses: It's always harder to win the second time around
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Emily Sutton's Okie
Who he is: The member of Emily Sutton's family that we're not all jealous of
Strengths: Can totally take Channel 9's weather-dog in a dog forecasting contest, which is a thing I just invented in my head.
Weaknesses: A really bad combover.
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(8) Dean Blevins vs (9) Abigail Ogle
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(8) Dean Blevins
Who he is: Pretty boy sports anchor and radio pee-er.
Strengths: Great hashtag creator #CumInHandy2Nite
Weaknesses: He's wrong about almost everything.
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(9) Abigail Ogle
Who she is: Future ruler of this town
Strengths: Her last name
Weaknesses: Her Facebook fans are real jackasses
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(4) Steven Adams vs (13) Bethany
(4) Steven Adams
Who he is: Funny interview-giver and surprisingly good basketball player
Strengths: Those Kiwi good looks
Weaknesses: His hands. Catch the ball, Steven!
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(13) Bethany
What it is: OKC's worst suburb
Strengths: That sparkly brand new crematorium
Weaknesses: They keep electing immoral bigots.
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(5) Oklahoma Hoodie Wearer vs (12) Video Vigilante
(5) Oklahoma Hoodie Wearer
Who they are: Hoodie-loving people of Oklahoma
Strengths: Comfort and warmth on a crisp fall day
Weaknesses: Our moronic legislators might try to make them illegal again
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(12) Video Vigilante
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Who he is: OKC's pre-eminent prostitution video-taper
Strengths: People like sex, and people like money. He's not in danger of being out of work any time soon.
Weaknesses: Has probably seen some things that he'll never be able to shake
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