June was a gloomy month – GM got sued over malfunctioning cars, ISIS came to prominence in the national consciousness, and a horse race happened in Kentucky. Perhaps worst of all, however, Tishomingo resident Blake Shelton tied the record for number 1 songs from a country album with the song... ah who cares. Seriously, fuck this guy-- with his terrible music and his weird mud-pie face.
Anyway, some stuff happened on TLO that was totally unrelated to this but also took place in the month of June, this was it:
5. The DEQ looks like a fun place to work
Published: 6/23/2014
What We Said: ... if you’re a politician or state employee and want to secretly undermine a state agency or have a secret relationship in a rundown house, go buy one of Saul Goodman’s throwaway phones at a Cricket wireless store. If you’re really smart, develop a code like they did on The Wire.
What We Learned: Working for the Department of Environmental Quality is a lot sexier than it sounds.
Best Comment: "The real problem here is that someone named their child Mista!" - Mark
-
4. This writer for the Tulsa World doesn't like Oklahoma City
Published: 6/3/2014
What We Said: Having some hack from Tulsa rip you is like having a fat friend tell you to lose some weight. Seriously, it’s Tulsa. The town's so boring that its boringness became a subplot on Friends.
What We Learned: The rest of America just thinks both cities suck.
Best Comment: "If I were a print journalist in Tulsa, I’d be bitter too. Do us all a favor and go to Branson next time." - Shya
-
3. Emily Sutton is engagdkfjalkfjfawfgsdf
Published: 6/26/2014
What We Said: We learned the news last night when Emily blasted the announcement out like a microburst across every social media platform known to man. I think she even updated her GeoCities website.
What We Learned: As the great philosopher, Celine Dion once said, hearts will going on.
Best Comment: "I really thought you would take the TLO down for a day or two for proper mourning." - Shiner
-
2. The Oklahoman issued a sad, eye-rolling and suspect endorsement for Janet Barresi
Published: 6/16/2014
What We Said: Even with a Barresi cronie writing the piece, it may be the saddest endorsement ever printed. It’s about as enthusiastic as kid doing chores. Even Inspector Gadget thinks the thing is a stretch.
What We Learned: If The Oklahoman's aim is to make this state dumber, they should just force every student to read The Oklahoman.
Best Comment: and I make this endorsement freely and of my own accord (blinks furiously in morse code)." - El Ojo
-
1. Mary Fallin recieved her first marriage proposal... at the Playboy Mansion?!
Published: 6/23/2014
What We Said: It’s not like it’s news or anything. It’s just funny to learn that Mary Fallin, a socially conservative governor from a socially conservative state who ran on a socially conservative platform probably had sex in the Playboy Mansion hot tub.
What We Learned: Mary Fallin was probably two mimosas away from appearing nude in Playboy.
Best Comment: “So Mary, to prove my love to you I am proposing in a place where all the women are hotter than you and are smarter than you…” - Stevening Shade
