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You won’t believe the mutant weather powers this stolen nuclear gauge can give to a meth head..

gary england painting

If shady hotels, horse show attendees and elderly drivers trying to find the Cracker Barrel wasn't a good enough excuse to avoid the I-40 and Meridian area, here's a better one.

On Tuesday, a gauge containing radioactive material was stolen from a hotel parking lot.

The KFOR Social Media Bandit has all the details:

The Oklahoma Department of Environmental Quality is asking for help locating a gauge that was stolen from a parking lot in Oklahoma City.

Authorities say the gauge contains radioactive material and was stolen from the parking lot of an Oklahoma City hotel, located near I-40 and Meridian.

The gauge was inside a construction trailer, which was also stolen.

The trailer has Kentucky license plate “624-274.”

The Humboldt Scientific 5001 EZ is used to measure physical properties of materials.

Organizers say it is a low threat of exposure as long as the gauge is not unlocked.

If it is unlocked, it could pose a risk to human health.

The owner is offering a $500 reward for the gauge’s return.

Uhm, doesn't this sound a little too much like the plot to a really awesome Oklahoma comic book movie? I know I'd watch it. Here's how it would work...

Some toothless meth addict--we'll name him Darryl--steals a trailer containing nuclear meters, and while trying to unlock one of the devices in the his mobile home outside Mustang, an EF3 debarker tornado touches down and gobbles everything up. While under the high pressure and violent wind speeds of the tornado, the meters explode and contaminate Darryl, giving him superhuman strength and the ability to turn into a tornado.

After spending time in Little Sahara mastering his tornado skills, Darryl works with Mike Morgan to kidnap all the city's TV meteorologists and storm chasers (except for the ones at Channel 25. They don't matter). They promptly hide them deep inside Robber's Cave. With the weather defenders captured, Darryl then begins to follow through with his plans to turn into an EF4 grinder, destroy our major cities and rule our state as Lord Commander. For his help and cooperation, he promises to name Mike Morgan the chief meteorologist of all Oklahoma TV stations.

Fortunately, while locked inside the cave, Val Caster and Damon Lane build a rudimentary Gentner out of Lacey Swopes' hunting gear and contact Gary England. Gary then frees the meteorologists and storm chasers, and flies to Downtown Oklahoma City where he and Darryl have an epic battle atop the Devon Tower.

Gary, due to his retirement, is rusty and struggles with Darryl's strength and constant barrage of softball sized hail. However, just as all hope looks lost, Emily Sutton saves the day by casting a rainbow spell and draining Darryl of his powers. Gary then holds Darryl over the edge of the Devon Tower, and before pushing him off to his death, says "Stay with News 9... we'll keep you advised... bitch."

At the end of the movie, there's a literal calm after the storm. Emily is wounded, but she recovers. David Payne drinks a Rock Star (product placement), says a wise ass remark about the tornado warning expiring, and everyone laughs. The crisis is averted. Oklahoma is safe... for now.

Right before the credits roll and the happy song plays, you see Mike Morgan, nuclear device tucked securely in his hand, fleeing south with Reed Timmer and Aaron Tuttle in the Dominator.

To be continued...

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