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8 Oklahomans who need Dr. Phil Therapy…

2:45 PM EDT on September 11, 2014

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One native Oklahoman who doesn't get a lot of credit for being an Oklahoman is Dr. Phil. He was born in Vinita, moved around as a child, and even played football at Tulsa. But for some reason, possibly because he's annoying as hell, the Sooner state has never really accepted him.

That is until now.

This past week, News 9 went crazy with stories about Dr. Phil's Oklahoma roots. They creeped on the house he lived in as a kid, talked to his childhood friend from the Village, chronicled his sad and forgettable football playing days at the university of Tulsa, and even brought him in for a therapy sessions with Robin Marsh. About the only thing they didn't do was profile his obnoxiously large swimming pool. Maybe that will be next week.

News 9 is doing all this because they're the new home of his talk show. To the delight of Debbies, Lindas, and Kathys everywhere, his show will air each afternoon at 3:00 pm. Instead of waiting for her to call you, I'd suggest you give your grandmother a call and tell her about this. She's probably very confused and scared right now.

Although I don't blame News 9 for hyping the show moving to their network, I do question their choice in stories. Who cares where he lived in the Village? What they should have done is have Dr. Phil give televised therapy sessions to some notable Oklahomans like...

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1. Wayne Coyne, Michelle Martin-Coyne, Katy Weaver and Miley Cyrus

Okay, technically Miley Cyrus isn't an Oklahoman, but since she's from Arkansas or whatever, it probably means we're related in some fashion.

This would be a fun session to watch. As we know, Wayne went through a mid-life crisis and left Michelle for Katy Weaver, and then he and Katy started a threesome with Miley Cyrus. Wayne could use a stern wake up call from Dr. Phil, while Michelle could be coached towards accepting the fact that her once common law husband is a totally different person.


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2. Emily Sutton

Emily can totally do better than a strong, charming, heroic, handsome fireman for a husband. According to Reed Timmer, Dr. Phil is the only one who can show her that.


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3. Scott Esk

This is the political wannabe who wants to ban divorce so that distressed wives couldn't leave their psycho controlling husbands. I'm not familiar with Dr. Phil's catchphrases, but I hope "You're fucking crazy" is one of them.



4. Joe Mixon

He could probably use an anger management session or two.


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5. Dean Blevins

According to sources, News 9 has banned Dean from Twitter after he used a hashtag to cleverly reference masturbating into his hand. Obviously, there may be a sex addiction issue here, although I think Dean just wants to visit the same rehab center Tiger Woods lived in for awhile. Dr. Phil could get into that issue, and Dean's irrational fear of Kelly Ogle's pube haircut.


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6. Mike and Marla Morgan

Marla hasn't sent us any pics in a while, so something must be wrong. Maybe Mike Morgan is forcing her to drive south.


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7. Michael Overall

Dr. Phil could try to solve the Tulsa World writer's bitterness and jealousy towards OKC. I'd suggest a form of immersion therapy where they strap Michael to a Bricktown Water Taxi and force him to watch Steve Lackmeyer reenact the Meet to Press segment about OKC.



8. Chuck Norris

I'm putting this on here because I want to watch Chuck Norris punch Dr. Phil in the face. It would be fun to watch one badass ignored Oklahoma icon taking down the annoying ignored Oklahoma icon. Ratings would go through the roof.

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