As if you need another reason not to shop at Walmart.
In what is obviously a sign that either the apocalypse is upon us – or that Samuel Jackson is really desperate for some work – a Bristow family discovered a damn rattlesnake hiding a case of cheap bottled water that they recently purchased from a Tulsa-area Walmart.
When you buy a case of water, you may not think to look inside to see if there is anything but water in it. However, one family wished they had done that -- they got home and found a snake inside the case.The Hemingway family found the pygmy rattlesnake entwined with the water bottles. “We got home and she helped me unload probably about 10 of them. She pushed the water to the side, and about 30 minutes later she started screaming 'there is a snake in the water,'” said Heidi Hemingway.Hemingway said she had to act quickly.“I get my husband and he pushes the water outside. The snake kind of ran loose and he killed it with the end of a broomstick,” Hemingway said.The snake had been sitting in their home for about 30 minutes before her daughter found it.“It was really scary. Especially with all three of my kids there,” Hemingway saidShe said she never would have thought to check for a snake in a case of water and is glad that no one was injured.
Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherf-cking snakes in this motherf-cking package of bottled drinking water!
Sorry. I wanted to be the first person to write the sentence. It feels kind of good.
Anyway, let's just go ahead and admit it. Oklahoma is doomed. Not only do we have to worry about earthquakes, tornados, flood, fires, blizzard, robbers, sexual predators, cancer, obesity, football players, kangaroos, and Mary Fallin's tour bus, but now we have to watch for snakes hanging out in our damn bottled water. I guess keep your eyes open if you're ever at a party at Russell Westbrook's house.
That being said, I guess there's a chance the snake could have found his way into the case of water at the family's home in Bristow. Maybe he was suicidal because all the other rattlesnakes in town made fun of him for being a pigmy? He also could have been placed in the water by someone. When the same family finds a thumb in their Wendy's chili, I think we'll know the answer.
Regardless of how or why the snake go there, we're all screwed. It was nice knowing all of you. I don't even think Samuel L. Jackson can save us now, motherf-ckers.