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Toni Jones is Shawnee’s version of Sweet Brown…

11:50 AM EDT on July 17, 2014

toni jones

The lady pictured above is Shawnee resident Toni Jones, or as she should probably be known from here on out, "Sweet Shawnee Brown."

On Monday, some asshole attempted to carjack Toni at a Shawnee Homeland. That wasn't a good idea. Toni, a certified badass and person I'd like to take to Medieval Times, fought back with the help of her sister and a good Samaritan. Before the carjacker could say "Methamphetamine," he found himself locked in handcuffs and placed under "citizen's arrest."

Banking on a "Local Woman Fends Off Attacker In Homeland Parking Lot" story to lead off their 10pm newscast, all four local Oklahoma City news channels rushed to Shawnee to get Jones' first person account of the ordeal. It's pretty amazing.

I posted all four local news reports after the jump. For fun, I decided to rank them based upon how many Red Bull and vodkas and / or painkillers Toni may have consumed before each interview. Check them out:

4.KOKH - Channel 25 Since Channel 25 has a 9pm newscast, I'm assuming they got to Toni early in the morning. That explains why she seems relatively normal in their clip. - toni jones koco 3. KOCO - Channel 5 Channel 5 doesn't allow other websites to embed their videos. I don't blame them. They're probably too busy trying to pass off advertorials for realtors as news. Plus, I doubt their web developers would ever think someone would voluntarily want to share a Channel 5 new clip. Anyway, Toni was about as excited to be on Channel 5 as you are to watch Channel 5. At this point, I think she had a Bloody Mary or two. You can watch the clip here.


2. KFOR - Channel 4

The KFOR report had a couple of great catch phrases, including “Dynamite comes in many packages” and "Oh hell no, you ain’t taking my car!” I'm sure Toni's said both of those things at one point in her life while leaving a bar.


1. KWTV - Channel 9 (click here for better quality)

Lord mercy there's a fire! I've watched that clip 10 times and I can't stop laughing. Tony should have thrown us a bone and began her story with "I was reaching into my car to get a cold pop and all of a sudden I thought I smelled body odor!" Seriously, wouldn't that have been awesome? Everyone has time for that.


Anyway, we're glad Toni was okay, kicked the carjacker's ass and gave us all a good laugh. I'm not sure what she does for a living, but if she doesn't become a slam poet I'm going to be incredibly disappointed. Also, I really hope this story blows up and Tony becomes a star. She could really use a new car.

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