Remember last February when those horrible "Harlem Shake" videos made the rounds? Well those dumb videos helped make it the number one song for February 2013. This means anyone alive when that happened has no right whatsoever to ever, in any way, tell their grandchildren "Things were better in my day! We didn't do dumb things like you idiot kids today!" You can never say that. Ever. We deserve what we get.
Don't forget to vote for your favorite TLO story. Yesterday it was the "Emily Sutton Bikini Pic" story. This was before we ruined your day and told you she's dating a fireman. Yeah. Like you're not being an actual hero was the only thing standing between you and E. Sutt. Well, jokes on her because while I may not be a hero in any sense of the word I've seen Backdraft 23 times and have "accidentally" started more fires than her fella has put out. So, y'know. That.
Here's the top TLO stories for February!
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6. 10 Best Oklahoma Harlem Shake Videos
Published: 02/19/13
What We Said: "I’m going to say there’s a 99% chance that you’re familiar with the Harlem Shake. If you’re part of the 1% who isn’t, there’s a good chance you’re either my Mom, Dad or Uncle Bob."
What We Learned: This is the closest most Oklahomans will ever get to anything "Harlem" related.
Fun Fact: It didn't take near as long as it should have to find Oklacentric Harlem Shake videos.
Best Comment: "The homoeroticism in the Oklahoma Wrestling clip is overwhelming!" - That Guy
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5. Sparkle Titsworth Lives in Oklahoma City
Published: 02/14/13
What We Said: "What would happen if Sparkle Titworth married Romeo Cocksworth? Would the universe collapse upon itself eliminating all matter? Probably."
What We Learned: People thought we were making fun of her name. You can't make fun of one of the best names of all time. I changed my name so people would stop being mean to me on blogs. It used to be Abigail Traber Fallin Jack & Ron Kern Lankford Color Me Badd Ogle.
Fun Fact: She traded her $1,000 gift card for a complete set of Jack & Ron Butt Mugs. How's that for a shitty local reference?
Best Comment: "I have never heard of her, but I am about 100% sure that we are related."- Tyler Titsworth
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4. Liz Mean Dueweke is Engaged and Probably Leaving for Seattle
Published: 02/18/13
What We Said: "Not only does she get engaged, but then she skips town. Why don’t you cut out our heart, show it to us while we’re alive, and then tell us you’ve built up an immunity to iocane powder while you’re at it?"
What We Learned: She was as cold as she was hot. So basically a perfect match for me.
Fun Fact: I lived 2 doors down from her at my apartment complex. Not making that up. One day she was letting her rat dogs do their business. She was wearing yoga pants and a tank top. I said excuse me to her so I could get past and she acted like I asked to take her picture. I mean, I did, but no need to be rude about it. Yeesh.
Best Comment: "What a bitch. Wahh, my fingers are fat, wahh. Life is so hard!"- Pot Sticker
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3. Here's Your Chance to go on date with Emily Sutton
Published: 02/22/13
What We Said: "I’d let her show me the seven-day forecast anytime! She’s sunshine on partly cloudy day. Too bad she’s still mad at me for posting that bikini photo."
What We Learned: Emily actually held up her end of the bargain and went on a date with the winning bidder to Vast. From what we understand she looked miserable the entire time. Being miserable for charity is commendable. So's breaking up with a fireman. Well, it could be. Man, I am pretty much begging for that dude to kick my ass.
Fun Fact: The amount of money that won a date with her was way lower than it should have been. It was still more than I make in a month, but if she looked miserable on the date, I bet I could have made her more miserable way after the date was over. I have that effect on women.
Best Comment: "Can somebody loan me some money so I can buy Emily?" - David
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2. 20 Shallow Tweets from Oklahomans Upset about an Amber Alert during The Bachelor
Published: 02/12/13
What We Said: "The alert apparently interrupted a key moment in last night’s Bachelor broadcast, triggering a flurry of angry tweets from young, naive and complete shallow Oklahomans."
What We Learned: Dumb women love The Bachelor. We already knew that but it's weird to see it actually proven.
Fun Fact: Some people think kidnappers should be more aware of people's TV viewing habits. "I shouldn't take this kid because it might interrupt The Bachelor. I can't do that. I'm a kidnapper, not a jerk! I'll wait until it's over."
Best Comment: "There are no words. Except I want to date all of your readers."- Camille
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1. Jim Traber has quit Twitter, may have been catfished and needs to control his wife…
Published: 02/11/13
What We Said: "Then to make this story weirder, Traber deleted his Twitter account. This was the same account he promoted constantly on the Sports Animal. He would brag about how many followers he had and how many people he blocked. He used it to flirt with Hunter Mahan and Bo Van Pelt. And he deleted it just as quickly as he would a bowl of turkey soup."
What We Learned: A new Twitter account with his name has popped up. It hasn't been updated since July which is sad because we all want to keep our exposure to him at 140 characters.
Fun Fact: Straight Jim Traber on Twitter is pretty funny. If it is him we take back everything we ever said about him because it's funnier than anything he's said/done on purpose.
Best Comment: "It seems that neither Jim or Jules Traber has a strong grasp of how the Twitter/the internet works, ending with hilarious results."- Love Guy for Oklahoma
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