Over the next couple weeks I'll be reviewing The Lost Ogle's most viewed stories for each month of 2013. It'll be like Best Week Ever, only funny. You'll also be able to vote on which story you enjoyed the most.
If you ask me, 2013 can't come to a close soon enough. Worst. Year. Ever. If it's true what doesn't kill you makes you stronger than I'm a one man Power Team only without the weird religious stuff and pile of broken bats. "How should we tell people about God?" "Hmmm. Maybe break a bunch of shit with our hands?"
"Done."
We'll start with January. Adele's "Set Fire to the Rain" was the number one song in January 2013. Nothing quite captures the essence of a great breakup song like a video where a hobbit beats up that hot girl from Transformers all while making an arsonist very happy.
Here are the Top Six TLO Posts from January:
6. This Cock Wants to Eliminate all State Funding to the OK arts Council
Published: 01/23/13
What We Said: "If your goal is to not destroy the arts in Oklahoma, then why introduce legislation that would help destroy the arts in Oklahoma? That would be like saying “Hey, I don’t want to burn down the barn, but let me go toss a lit match in that field of very tall dry grass that’s located right next to the barn.”
What We Learned: Being an art hating, narrow minded, Glenn Beck disciple is still easier to handle than Sally Kern, Mary Fallin and James Lankford all representing Oklahoma in some way. Yeesh.
Fun Fact: He's probably still crying about Affleck as Batman.
Best Comment: "Ironic that a guy who’s batshit crazy dresses like Batman."- Mark
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5. Mike Morgan doesn't like censorship. Thinks we need to "grow up" and "Have Some Balls"
Published: 01/02/13
What We Said: "Yes, we’ve finally joined Steve Lackmeyer and Dan Threlkeld as people who have been told by Mike Morgan to “Have Some Balls.” That’s some esteemed company right there."
What We Learned: Patience is not a virtue amongst the physically largest and most educated meteorologist in the city. Seriously. Dude is big. Not "Ogle" big, but big.
Fun Fact: We really miss Gary England.
Best Comment: "So how do you and the KFOR staff there feel about David Payne's departure? No, how do you REALLY feel?"- Boomer
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4. Aubrey McClendon is out at Chesapeake. Here's his farewell e-mail to employees
Published: 01/29/13
What We Said: "I received a Facebook message from a Mole at 3:45pm informing me that Aubrey was “fired” and a release was being issued at 4:00, but before I could check and/or verify it, Chesapeake issued a release stating that Aubrey was “retiring.” Yeah, “retiring.”
What We Learned: Billionaires Golden parachutes still exist.
Fun Fact: He's already started a new company so in case you were concerned about him, don't be. He's gonna be just fine.
Best Comment: "I guess I’m most worried about…. will Kate Upton still be around? Seriously." -Dustin
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3. Kendrick Perkins and his Wife Were in an Altercation at an OKC Nail Salon
Published: 01/28/13
What We Said: "For what it’s worth, Kendrick Perkins still has about $20-million left on his contract with the Thunder. If your husband makes that kind of cash, you should probably go ahead and pay for your crummy manicure."
What We Learned: Money won't can't buy class manicures.
Fun Fact: No one was really surprised anyone named Vanity threw down at a nail salon.
Best Comment: "Does this mean we’re a big league city now?"- Mars 45
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2. Here's an Emily Sutton Bikini Pic
Published: 01/16/13
What We Said: "She’s the cute girl next door who makes you think you got a chance…and also knows a thing or two about Doppler radar. Who wouldn’t go for that?"
What We Learned: People hate watermarks.
Fun Fact: We're probably gonna get our ass kicked by a fireman soon. Like, real soon.
Best Comment: "What’s that guy doing at Girl Scout camp?"- Doc
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1. Top 25 Anti-Obama Comments Posted on KFOR's Face Book Wall
Published: 01/21/13
What We Said: "If you’re going to suggest that a guy be assassinated, at least have the common courtesy to spell ‘assassinated’ correctly."
What We Learned: A whole lot of people sure do hate the president. Still., I thought by now we would all be living in a socialist hellscape where we are forced to be Muslim, no one has guns and America was destroyed all because of Obama. Wait. None of that happened because it's preposterous? That's what I thought.
Fun Fact: Jared Scott is celebrating Christmas in Gitmo.
Best Comment: "I got sucked in and argued with [anti-Obama people] for a while. I finally gave up. It was like punching farts out of a dead mule."- Marlene
