Over the weekend, The Oklahoman announced the nominees for its annual ad racket the Readers' Choice Awards. The special publication is basically a more robust and boring version of The Gazette's "Best of OKC."
This year, we are nominated in the "Best Person to Follow on Twitter" category. Yes, a website's Twitter feed is nominated for an award that's supposed to go to a human. That's weird, but nothing new. We've been nominated for and won similar categories in the Gazette.
This is the first time we've ever received a Reader's Choice nomination. You know it has to give OPUBCO upper-management heartburn and constipation to print our site's name. Since that's the case, I think it would be fun to win this thing. I encourage you to go vote for us and vote often. But before you do, let's take a look at some of the tweetbags we're up against.
They are...
1. Dan Gordon
We like Dan. He sponsors all of our special events and goes out of his way to be nice to us. That being said, his obsession with Twitter is scary. He's tweeted 133,000 times in four years. I'm not good at Craig Humphreys' new math, but that equals one tweet every 13 seconds. That's insane. He also tweets hashtags more than Buster drinks juice on Arrested Development. Whenever the "Fail Whale" appears, Dan loses his hair, shrivels into an old man, and wanders up and down North Penn screaming for his "precious."
I'm just kidding. He doesn't lose his hair.
Here are some recent Tweets that Dan has sent out:
-
2. Lennon Patton
I know what you're thinking. Lennon Patton??? What a racist asshole. He's the Stalin / Sally Kern / Blogger Who Called Our Thunder girl Chunky of the local Twitterverse. Who would nominate an arrogant little Dolphin-hating fuck like Lennon Patton for an award? I'll tell you who. Sexual predators, atheists and men who wear diapers and pose as autistic teens.
I'm (again) just joking around. Lennon is an okay dude. He totally kissed my ass at the Help Moore Benefit Concert. Plus, he promised me and Spencer free lifetime salad bars at Jason's Deli.
Unfortunately, the guy is a classic tweetbag. Most of his tweets follow the social media attention addict clichés. He's either @-replying to other tweetbags, enjoying food, or trying to impress you with his dedication to exercise. Examples:
-
3. Melisuh
You know, maybe it's time for The Oklahoman and Gazette to eliminate the "Best Local Person to Follow on Twitter" category. There has to be something more relevant, right? I'd suggest "Favorite Mexican food Restaurant That's Located in an Old Dairy Queen" or "Favorite MySpace Page." Seriously, who is this woman? I've never heard of her. All I know is that she looks like a scrapbooker and probably sells Scentsy.
-
Damon Lane
Wow. Out of all the local celebrities on Twitter, the only one to be nominated in this category is Damon Lane. Channel 5 had to stuff the ballot on this one. If we were to rank "The Best Local Meteorologists to Follow on Twitter," there's a good chance that Damon wouldn't even crack the Top 10. Oh well, I'd say there's a 60% chance that Damon wins this thing.
-
The Lost Ogle
Thanks to everyone who nominated us. Because of you all, I got to make fun of Daniel Gordon again.
In case you don't follow us or do the Twitter thing, most of our tweets are just links to our posts, Free Team Trivia alerts or me harassing Abigail Ogle or Emily Sutton:
-
Now that you know about our competition, the next step is to vote for us. Here's how:
Step 1: Click this link. You have to be a registered NewsOK.com user to vote. At this point, either sign-in, take one minute and create account, or forget about this whole thing and just laugh at the following photo of Oklahoman reporter Silas Allen.
Step 2: After signing in, you'll see a bunch images and categories. The Oklahoman made sure that every advertising demographic was covered. Scroll down to "The Best Local People, Places and Things." Or just look for this dude:
Step 3: Once you click on the world's happiest electrician contractor, a new window with a bunch of individual categories opens up. First, scroll about a quarter of the page down until you find the "Best Internet Service Provider Category." Just to fuck with people, please please please click the America Online option. Seriously, if you only vote for one thing make sure that's what it is.
Step 4: When that's out-of-the-way, scroll towards the bottom until you get to "Best Person To Follow On Twitter." Even though The Lost Ogle isn't really a person, click on that. Once again, we kind of want to win this thing so we can say we made The Oklahoman.
Step 5: You're almost done. If you're really bored, go vote for other categories. They range from "Best Cemetery" to "Best Divorce Attorney" to "Best Place to Masturbate in Public." One of those categories is made up. I'm not telling you which one.
Step 6: Click submit at the very bottom. Thanks for doing your part in possibly getting The Lost Ogle mentioned in The Oklahoman. Now go back to laughing a Silas Allen's sideburns. He looks like the type of guy that gets beat up at pool halls.
