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I’m pretty sure Tulsa Urban Weekly just went down on Christina Fallin…

A few weeks back, Christina Fallin celebrated her birthday with a little get-together at the Governor's Mansion. We know this because an Ogle Mole recently sent us pics from the event on Instagram.

Out of all the photos, this was my favorite. Not only does it show Wayne Coyne and his homewrecking girlfriend (she's the one with the green bracelet thing to Wayne's left), but it aptly summarizes Christina's personality:

christina fallin birthday party

Yes, Christina Fallin is such a self-absorbed narcissist that she made all of her friends dye their hair pink for her birthday party. Imagine how demeaning that must have been. I have shiny gray hair (Hey ladies!), and if I asked my friends to color their mullets gray for my birthday, I really hope one of them would punch me in the face. That's what we did to Spencer when he handed us those "Ginger for a Day" packets last Monday at Juniors.

Of course, there's always a possibility that her friends are brown-nosing ass-kissers and dyed their hair as some sort of tribute. That wouldn't be a surprise. There's also an off-chance that Wayne Coyne brought the pink hair dye so that he could be the center of attention for a few minutes. He loves attention more than sex, drugs, weird music, robots, big hands, blood, hamster balls, dead birds, vaginas and Santa Claus combined.

Anyway, Tulsa Urban weekly recently profiled Christina in their March 27th issue. Instead of exposing her as an entitled attention-crazed wannabe hipster , Tulsa Urban Weekly reporter Nicci Atchley painted her as some sort of anti-rebellious, carefree, renaissance woman hero.

From Tulsa Urban Weekly:

She didn't think it would be a big deal to do a fashion photo shoot in the family home back in 2011. It didn't occur to her that there might be red-tape involved or official approvals to be voiced. It was intended to be a stylish, yet tasteful glimpse into her life for a spread in Twenty Something magazine. Respectful and well-intended as it may have been, different rules apply when the family residence is the Oklahoma Governor's mansion and your last name happens to be Fallin.

As I walk into the coffee shop where we are to meet, Christina Fallin is a burst of color in a room of monochrome. It's like she's moved on to Technicolor and left everyone else behind. Her clothing is edgy but muted, but it is her bright pink hair and her signature brick red lips that set her apart. And in a shade not found in nature, her hair is initially shocking. And then it just kind of becomes her and you sit there and think as you examine her, "Perhaps you were supposed to have been born with pink hair."

Wow, that passage just made a pool of yellow vomit appear in the back of my monochrome mouth. Either "Nicci Atchley" is Christina Fallin's new penname or Tulsa Urban Weekly accidentally printed the opening passage from Christina Fallin's diary. It could be either one. I assume Christina's diary is also delusional and written in third person.

Anyway, the article contains a bunch of "You Can't Be Serious!" gems in it like:

As a reluctant trendsetter, Fallin is decidedly different. If she wishes to impart a personal style philosophy or set any trends, it's a foundation based on embracing individualism.


Introspective but not self-involved, she has experienced an enhanced sense of self awareness in recent years and a coming into her own as she finds her place in a public world

Introspective but not self-involved? What does that even mean? One part I really enjoyed – and by enjoyed, I mean "made me groan" – was this quote from Christina:

"I try not to be so self-conscious. I want to be as natural and true to myself. It's not always easy to be true to myself but it's all I can really do. I think people can at least appreciate that I'm being authentic even if they don't necessarily identify with how I look. It's not easy to be yourself. People want to you do things that are PC but I'm not a politician," said Fallin, "I feel a responsibility to be a torch carrier for those misunderstood high school kids who are artsy and trying to find not only their style but their identity. People will contact me and say that they're inspired and that it's giving them the courage to be who they are. I'm just living my life but it's cool to see that it positively impacts people. I'm under a lot of scrutiny and sometimes get beat up in the press and on blogs because of my Mom's public position, but it's worth it when I hear that it's helped somebody feel better about themselves or to feel more confident in being who they are," said Fallin.

Yeah, you're not self-conscious at all. You just die your hair pink, hang out with rock stars and dress up like a weirdo. The last thing you care about is how people perceive or judge you. That's why you go out of your way to be noticed, get married on a whim, and give awkward interviews with news stations and urban weeklies that apparently hire 5th grade creative writing students to write their articles.

This is how the Urban Tulsa Weekly profile ends:

"The antithesis of a Paris Hilton, she is hardly a Chelsea Clinton, either. She is authentically and unapologetically Christina Fallin. Living in a world where conformity is the rule, Fallin is staying true to herself and doing it while dressed in a style all her own."

Uhm, does the writer of the column not know what "antithesis" means? If you had to compare Christina Fallin to anyone, it would probably be a celebutant like Paris Hilton. Think about it. She was born into money, craves attention, has a recognizable last name, likes to be seen, and hasn't had to work for anything in life. The only thing Christina hasn't done yet is release a sex tape, reality show or perfume. Expect one of the three to happen soon.

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