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2012 Year In Review: December

By Joel

1:00 PM EST on December 28, 2012

For all of you non-cool people, this is a scene from the Empire Strikes Back where the Empire invades the ice planet Hoth. That's what I was expecting to reenact on Christmas thanks to the promise of Hoth like conditions from local meteorologists. Well, I guess meteorologists have something in common with my dad, especially if they're alcoholics who punch me, because he lied about Hoth like conditions too. When I was a kid I wanted the Hoth playset for Christmas and instead got a bowl full of ice with a bag of plastic Army guys. "We're poor!" dad said. Well, decades later and all the memories came flooding back meaning I spent yet another Christmas crying over not being Han Solo. For the record, that's almost every Christmas.

Get out of here 2012!

5. Anatomy of a Christmas Blizzard Fizzle

What We Said: "This week instead of trying to decipher what Dean Blevins has to say, we’re going to try and re-create the run-up to yesterday’s Oklahoma City Christmas “snowstorm.”

What We Learned: Our local weather people are spot on when it comes to tornado tracking. They can almost tell you what piece of furniture in your living room is most likely to break from a tornado. They cannot seem to handle  NOT overselling a snowstorm though. Perhaps it's because the bread, milk and peanut butter lobbies have such a strong hold on local news. I assume this because anytime someone on TV goes berserk about a snow storm the first thing missing from the shelves, within about ten minutes, is bread, milk and peanut butter. I've lived here 20 years and the longest I've been "snowed in" is a day. Tops. And that was because I was lazy. At no point has anyone, trapped in snow anywhere, ever thought, "Well, if I'm gonna be trapped, might as well make a peanut butter sandwich and wash it down with some milk because we all know those three things combined make life sustainable on planet Earth."  Never.

Best Comment: "I did see that Lord England tweeted about you guys yesterday!! did you see it? It was a Christmas Day Miracle" - Jennifer


4. We're Going to the Mary Fallin Open Records Request Party and Staying All Night

What We Said: "Back in November, we wrote about Governor Mary Fallin’s refusal to comply with Oklahoma lawand not release certain emails and documentation that were sought by the Oklahoman in an open records request. Since then, several other media organizations have joined the party and filed their own requests."

What We Learned: We come across as super important when the ACLU is involved. Sure, we do like the idea of being a part of political intrigue with a classy lady such as Mary Fallin. We like the idea we're a champion for right in a world full of cover ups. You know what else we like? Thinking there might be a day when Joleen Chaney and Emily Sutton ask us to accompany one or both of them to the local Emmys. They'll be charmed by our wit and then wanna make out with us because we're so damn cool and deserving. So basically we're sixth graders in adult bodies is what I'm saying. But, yeah. Political whatever and such.

Best Comment: "Satire is greater than news any day, but when satire equals news, it’s just a thing of beauty." - okeducationtruths


3. KFOR  Channel 4 Wants to Know if it's ok to Rape a Child 

What We Said: "Yesterday, another news story broke about another teacher/coach being caught in another inappropriate relationship with another underage student. Yes, sad and disgusting news stories like that are becoming far too commonplace in Oklahoma. And KFOR Channel 4 wants to know if it should be illegal."

What We Learned: We learned between former Thunder announcers/teachers and just some regular ol' teachers, Oklahoma has to get better at spotting predators. Maybe the over eager person who has WAY too many questions regarding security cameras in classrooms isn't the same person you hire to be around a bunch of kids. Yeesh Oklahoma. We also learned someone has to do better with editorial decisions at KFOR. A 14-year-old girl isn't the best when it comes to making life decisions. Have you been to the mall? 14-year-olds are pretty dumb. No one should ask them to make a life altering decision in the hopes that'll get you off the hook. "Well, that kid said yes. I dunno. Is that bad?" Yes. Yes it is.

Best Comment:  "Whoever is responsible for making this post on KFOR’s Facebook page should be fired." - Cynical Chris


2. About the Green Dragon Classified Ad That's Gone Viral

What We Said: "If you have a Facebook page and live in Oklahoma City, there’s a good chance you’ve seen the Oklahoman classified ad asking someone to slay the green dragon that’s been seen flying around Northeast OKC."

What We Learned: That a lot of people apparently are more ready to believe either a crazy person has placed an insane ad or there are really dragons flying around the city. It's always amazing when something goes viral in a world where Google exists. You can find out anything with the limited amount of effort possible. Gone are the days of making a few phone calls and heading to the library to research microfiche. You can do it from the magic information box in your pocket! Wanna find out if a dragon ad is legit? Google it. Wanna look at barely clothed ladies eating cottage cheese while on a trampoline? Google it. I'm not sure if that last one is real. Hang on....nope. Thank Google.

Best Comment: "Once again the LostOgle has made my day brighter! And this show how progressive your are. Maybe this is a sign that OKC is becoming more progressive? Well I’m off to search for that Green Dragon." - Pauletta George


1. Christina Fallin is Single...Again

What We Said: "We have learned through the Ogle Mole Network that Christina Fallin, an American consultant, artist and public figure (her words, not mine), is single again. Shocking, huh?"

What We Learned: That poor Christina lost her another husband. To be fair, husbands are a dime a dozen in that family. Boom! Ending the year on a cheap shot!

Best Comment: "I hope Ms. Fallin-Bacon-Fallin-Smith-Fallin is able to recover from this latest setback." - Jason


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