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15 possible advertising slogans for the new

In effort to combat lagging revenues and fewer print subscribers, The Oklahoman has launched a new premium website called It will basically offer all the content you get at for free, but will be designed and updated in a more traditional, "day by day," chronological format. Basically, it's a slow, simple website for people who can't handle the hustle and bustle of a 24-hour news your grandpa or a woman named Rose.

From NewsOK:

The Oklahoman has a new website, launching as a premium site for its current and future subscribers...

“It's a premium reading experience,” said Chris Reen, president of OPUBCO Communications Group and publisher of The Oklahoman.

“We carefully designed it for our print and digital subscribers who like the way The Oklahoman is organized every day,” he said.

The website features day-by-day navigation, allowing a reader to see the stories of the day packaged together by familiar sections. Updated breaking news articles throughout the day are showcased separately on a “Live” page.

Current subscribers to The Oklahoman have free access to Print subscriptions start at $12 per month. Nonsubscribers may purchase access to the site as part of a complete digital suite for $15 per month or as a single-product purchase for $9.99 per month.

Let me see. $9.99 to read the same news stories that I can basically read for free over at NewsOK?  Thanks, but I think I'll pass. That is a worse deal than NetFlix. Good luck in the future.

I do kind of feel sorry for the person in the OPUBCO marketing department who got stuck with this product. That's a no-win situation. You'd have better luck winning a land war in Asia or giving away free Obama bumper stickers at a gun show than you would making a success. Since that's the case, we decided to come up with a list of possible ad slogans for the premium website.

Here are they are:

1. Just like the newspaper you know and love. The only difference is you can't let a parrot shit on it.

2. And you thought Wimgo was a bad idea.

3. You know that one dentist who doesn’t recommend Trident? He loves

4. Choosy moms choose to pay for news content they can get for free!

5. Mel Bracht Nude!!!

6.'s really just the newspaper! 

7. For an extra ten bucks, we'll throw your computer in the bushes.

8. Hey, it’s still better than the Gazette’s website.

9. Perfect for those times you thought your neighbor’s donkey had escaped from its pen and scratched itself on your trailer.

10. Subscribe today and get a free 30-day trial subscription to Look at OKC “After Dark” adult entertainment website.

11. Yeah, we probably won’t subscribe to it either.

12. Cooler than MySpace and Friendster.

13. The State's Most Trusted Rip-Off

14. For people who want their news the good, old-fashioned way you've come to expect from The Oklahoman. Well, the old-fashioned way, at any rate.

15.…and that’s no bull!!!

Once again, we have no problem if the people in the Dark Tower use any of these slogans. Go for it. Just don't put a stupid green cube anywhere near them. Thanks in advance.

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