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Ogle Madness V: First Round , Midwest Region (Upper Bracket)

3:00 AM EDT on March 13, 2012

That picture above is the best thing you'll see all day. Assuming you love cheap insurance and artery clogging sandwiches. This is who is up today:

(1) Joleen Chaney vs. (16) The Diffee Kids
(8) Linda Cavanaugh vs. (9) Patrick's Dog Rowdy
(4) Wayne Coyne vs. (13) Chris Harrison
(5) Blake Shelton vs. (12) The Pioneer Woman

In case you care, here's the first round bracket. We'll have the bottom half of this regional posted at noon. Vote!

(1) Joleen Chaney vs. (16) The Diffee Kids

 (1) Joleen Chaney

Conference: Super Hot News Vixens

Who She Is: KFOR Reporter

Biggest Strength: Her tenacious local news veracity. Kidding. Looks.

Biggest Weakness: No longer within hugging distance of Bobbie Miller.

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(16) The Diffee Kids

Conference: Obnoxious Car Dealer Spawn

Who They Are: Slightly creepy bad child actors.

Biggest Strengths: Low down payment on a quality new or used vehicle with 3.9% APR financing.

Biggest Weakness: For qualified buyers only.

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(8) Linda Cavanaugh vs. (9) Patrick's Dog Rowdy

(8) Linda Cavanaugh

Conference: Legendary KFOR Reporters

Who She Is: Most Popular Non-Weather/Non-Emily Sutton Person On KFOR

Biggest Strengths: I always trust what she says.

Biggest Weakness: Works with the 2 Movie Guys too much.

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(9) Patrick's Dog Rowdy

Conference: Creatures Patrick Joel Watches Defecate In His Yard

Who He Is: Patrick's Best Friend

Biggest Strength: Knows who every Ogle mole is.

Biggest Weakness: Cannot speak.

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(4) Wayne Coyne vs. (13) Chris Harrison

(4) Wayne Coyne

Conference: Psychedelic Band Leaders

Who He Is: Lead Singer For the Flaming Lips

Biggest Strengths: Awesome Music / Hair / Human Hamster Ball Aficionado

Biggest Weakness: We get it. You guys are crazy. Uh oh! More Glitter! So artistic!

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(13) Chris Harrison

Conference: Hosts Of Long Overdue For Cancellation Reality Shows

Who He Is: Hosts ABC's The Bachelor

Biggest Strengths: Gets first pick of bachelor castaways for "Chris Coaching Sessions".

Biggest Weakness: Played soccer at OCU. Soccer? Really? Yeesh.

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(5) Blake Shelton vs. (12) The Pioneer Woman

(5) Blake Shelton

Conference: Large Piles of Handsome Married To Miranda Lambert

Who He Is: Country Star / Judge on The Voice

Biggest Strengths: Looks / Handles Chair Spinning With Ease

Biggest Weakness: Vest Heavy Wardrobe / From Ada

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(12) The Pioneer Woman

Conference: Not Very Entertaining Bloggers

Who She Is: A Not Very Entertaining Blogger

Biggest Strengths: Making simple photography seem like complicated art.

Biggest Weakness: See above.

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