Just like there are three forms of God, there are also three forms of Gary England. The only difference is that instead of being the son, the father and the holy spirit, Gary chooses to be Severe Weather Gary England, Winter Weather Gary England and the Holy Spirit in the Big Town Gary England.
Severe Weather Gary England is the most well known version of the weather man deity. This Gary England is very serious. He's the one who cuts into CSI and Wheel of Fortune and tells you to get underground or get out of the way. He's doesn't mess around, he gets Val on the Gentner and he doesn't like the attitude.
Winter Weather Gary England is my favorite version of the Holy Weather Trinity. He's the one that can't believe he has to work late just to tell people it's snowing and to stay inside. This version of Gary England is fun. He mentions our name on the air, promotes the Gary England Drinking Game (Winter Rules Edition) and jokes around with his coworkers.
Then there's the Holy Spirit in the Big Town Gary England. He's the one who lives inside all of us. He's what makes our joints stiffen when a cold front moves in. He's the guy who forgives you for your weather sins over the years. He's the one who in your heart lets you know everything will be ok while hail destroys your roof and siding.
Anyway, last night the Winter Weather Gary England was in full effect. Check out what he did to Nick Bender during a winter weather cut-in towards the end of last night's Grammys.
Yeah, I'm not sure which is weirder. Is that Gary England decided to annoy Nick Bender, or is it that Nick Bender calls pizza a "Pizza Pie?" What the hell. The only people allowed to say "Pizza Pie" are zany Italian plumbers with thick mustaches or guys named Joseppi. Also, when did eating an entire pizza become a big deal? I think I ate my first entire pizza in the 7th grade. Hell, it's something I could probably do today if I were drunk or stoned or sober and hungry.
Anyway, it must be pretty good to be Gary England. He gets to basically do whatever he wants (like wear a pair of mall walker shoes to work) and nobody can stop him. Man, it sure would be fun to have his powers for a day. Granted, I'd probably abuse them like that kid in Chronicle did, but it sure would be fun.
