There are many sad things in life. There is war. There is hunger. There is even Rick Mitchell's radar. But none of those things are as sad as this next sentence. Liz Dueweke has a boyfriend and he works for Channel 4.
To be more specific, we have learned through The Ogle Mole network that the Channel 4 employee in question is reporter Adam Mertz. To make matters worse, we have been told that only reasons Liz moved to Oklahoma was to live with Adam. I guess that officially disproves Clark Matthews theory that she moved here to suck on Sooner Nuts with Lauren Richardson.
Obviously, I don't approve of this Adam Mertz guy. And it's not just out of sheer jealousy. Just look at the picture above. He kind of looks like a cross between an ex-youth group pastor and the popular kid from high school that played golf and was the STUCO President. He's like a rich man's Brent Skarky.
But the picture above is not the only reason. Just check out the one below. It was taken during the recent hail storm, when Adam was apparently trying to intimidate a State Farm claims adjuster.
Where does Adam Mertz buy his polo shirts? Baby Gap? We get it. You're strong, now put on some big boy clothes and keep on working out with this thing.
Anyway, in addition to the alarming pictures, Adam's Q&A/profile over at KFOR.com is little bit off. We take a look at (a.k.a. make fun of) some of the questions and answers after the jump:
Life Goal: To squeeze the most out of life possible
I hate to break this to Adam, but he is a news reporter for an NBC affiliate in Oklahoma City. He should probably temporarily change his goal to "Squeezing the most out of every paycheck."
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Favorite TV Show: Meet the Press, 60 Minutes & 30 Rock
For a guy trying to squeeze the most out of life possible, those are some lame choices. Seriously, Meet the Press and 60 Minutes? How old is this guy? 60? He should probably be hanging out with my Grandpa and falling asleep during old Matlock reruns.
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Most embarrassing moment: walking into the girl's bathroom in 6th grade. I still don't think I've ever recovered.
Dude. Liz Dueweke is your girlfriend. I think you recovered.
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Happiest moment in my life was...when I went to Disney World for my 8th birthday.
Dude. Liz Dueweke is your girlfriend. If hugging a man dressed in a Mouse costume is the happiest moment in your life, Mayor Cornett should declare tomorrow as "Punch Adam Mertz Day."
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Favorite food: steak
Wow, so Adam's a steak man. That's cool.
However, I do think "favorite food?" is a weak question. I think a much better question is "If you were a death row inmate, what would be your last request." Ask someone their favorite food and you get a generic answer like steak. Ask them what their last meal will be before they are executed and you'll get some specifics like a Braum's bacon cheeseburger, McDonalds fries and a Diet Dr. Pepper from Sonic. That's why everyone has had that conversation at a couple of times in their life. Granted, a green leafy substance generally spurs that conversation, but it's still a good one to have.
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I have a pet (what) ... a fluffy white Pomeranian named Wolfie
How much do you bet that Paul Folger just read this, let out a little squeal and said "Wolfie and Trey would be such neat friends!"
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Knew you wanted to be a reporter when… I took my first journalism class in high school.
Whatever. That's just a cliched "I'm getting tired of filling out the questionnaire" answer. You know what, I can sympathize with Adam on this because I'm already getting tired of mocking his answers.
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Best movie of all time: Wayne's World
I love Wayne's World, and to this day, still have most of the movie memorized, but it's not the greatest movie ever. Not when there are movies out there like The Godfather, Pulp Fiction, and Clark Matthews all-time favorite, Kindergarten Cop.
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Favorite holiday: 4th of July
Hey, everyone likes 4th of the July. You watch fireworks, get the day off work, and somebody you know is cooking hamburgers on the grill, but it can't be your favorite holiday. That's like saying Wayne's World is your favorite movie. Wait. Nevermind.
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People are surprised when I tell them: I can juggle.
Actually, I think more people would be surprised to learn your favorite holiday is the 4th of July. Weirdo.
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Favorite Book: The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
Uhm...your favorite book is a fable about a Spanish shepherd who travels to Egypt in search of gold and riches and in the process learns valuable life lessons? That's my line!!!
You see, I had to read this book when I studied Magical Realism (seriously) in college. The book was kind of weird, but I would claim that I liked it to make the weird chicks in my literature classes think that I was sensitive and smart.
To prove that I own the book, I got it off the book shelf and took a picture for everyone to see. Here it is:
Yep, that's my cute little dog Rowdy showing you of one my favorite books. Because I'm caring and sensitive, I read a chapter of the Alchemist to Rowdy before he goes to sleep each night. Then afterwards, I'll watch Wayne's World clips, classic 60 Minutes episodes and think about my fond memories of Disneyland. I'll then go to bed, hoping that the next day I'll be able squeeze the most out of life possible.
Then I throw up in mouth. But only a little bit.
