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Lost Ogle Q&A: Cacky Poarch with deadCENTER

7:44 AM EST on December 2, 2009

Over the past few years, we've had a bunch of people submit requests to be the subject of a Lost Ogle Q&A.  Some of these requests came from people who wanted to share their love for us (Amy McRee, Jessica Schambach, Paul Folger), while a few others came from those seeking to set the record straight (The Mathis Brothers, Mike Morgan, Rumble).  One person even claimed that he could contact the spirit of HoHo the Clown, but we think that person just wanted publicity (Brent Skarky).

Anyway, all the requests above were rejected for various reasons.  When we were pitched a Q&A with someone from deadCENTER Film Festival, it nearly suffered a similar fate.  But then we learned the person we would interview was named Cacky Poarch.

I'll tell you what, I don't know much, but one thing I do know is to never turn down the chance to talk to a chick named after capris .  I also know to never turn down anything that has to do with midgets, ninjas or pandas.  I know that because I'm smart.

Check out the QA after the jump

Q: Can people get drunk at deadCENTER?

Intoxication can only be fully experienced at deadCENTER if a person/drunkie/junkie buys an all-access pass. We have about 3 parties a day, but if you don't choke up to the dough, you are destined to remain sober for the duration for the festival. Mad dog is not allowed in our screenings either so the pass is truly the only way to reach chemical euphoria. And it includes awesome movies, so there's that to enjoy before the bars open.

Q: That's good to know.  Now let's just get this out of the way:  if I were to ask a real question about deadCENTER Film Festival, what would the answer(s) be?

The 10th annual deadCENTER Film Festival will hit downtown Oklahoma City this summer, June 9-13 and it's going to be amazing. Big movies, big parties, even some stars. Yep, it's going to be"¦BIG!

I've been involved with the deadCENTER Film Festival for 8 years now and it has sincerely been an honor to be part of the festival's growth and success. When I first got involved, we practically had to beg Oklahoma filmmakers to submit. Now the films that are being produced in Oklahoma are truly inspiring. With the film incentives that were just passed in the state, I firmly believe the Oklahoma film industry is going to explode and I feel that we have been a part of that development.

Beyond our state boarders, deadCENTER has an impeccable reputation, which is evidenced by returning filmmakers, film critics, and our reception at other film events around the nation.  Each year we make great strides to creatively improve and energize the festival and each year our efforts are paid off with record attendees.

In 2006, we experienced such an overwhelmingly positive  response to our programming, we began doing year-round screenings. In December, we will host screenings at PhotoArt Studio during Live on The Plaza and also at the Fred Jones Museum during Art A La Cart. All our year-round screenings are free and open to the public.

Q: What's the worst movie you all have ever shown?

(Contemplates pensively) Now that I think about it, we've never shown a bad movie, ever. Huh. Weird.

Q: In what way has being named Cacky Poarch been a self-fulfilling prophecy? Do you shop at the GAP?

We'll it has made me an international superstar on name alone. I've had a punk rock song written about me and the chorus is an angry bellow of "Caaaaccckkyy". Too bad punk is dead. (This is actually true.)

I have been toying with the idea of creating a prefab po(a)rch with an olive drab color scheme. The bells and whistles would include maintenance free plants, bolted down chimenea, and potential accent of garden gnomes. I think it could be huge in the military community. (I just made this up.)

I do occasionally get stares in carpool line when they yell out the names of my children, Front and Back Poarch. PTA meetings can really be rough too. Whatever. If Johnny Cash can name his son "Sue" I should be able to name my kids whatever I darn well please. This is America, after all. (This is all lies.)

Q:  Dockers or Haggar?

This question hurt my eyes and made my joints hurt. I decline to answer solely on the fact it could inadvertently affect my health.

Q: Is it true you can do something with your arms that no-one else can, or should, do with their arms?

Yes, that rumor is true. It's an amazing human feat I call The Arm Swing. There is an urban legend that I once lifted myself off the ground from whipping my arms so fast they acted as virtual propellers. But that was started at an opium den, so I think it's sensible to say that is just a myth. Or is it?!

Q: Drop the name of the biggest movie star you've ever slept with.  Remember, you said you'd answer all questions openly and honestly-ish.

I appeared in the film "Making Arrangements" when I was 8 months pregnant and my daughter was up for the award Best Supporting Fetus. I have on occasion slept in the same bed with her when she isn't felling well. Not sure if that counts, but that is the raciest I've gotten to pillow talk with a celebrity. Oh...wait"¦there was that one time with Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller. I think they may have even worked it into a movie script once. Zoo-something. Eh, Hollywood, I don't want to bore you with that snoozer story.

Q: If the Oklahoma Department of Transportation and Saxum PR wrote a screenplay, what would the title be?

"Papa was a Renzi Stone". The accompanying soundtrack would be groundbreaking.

Q: Some guy whose name rhymes with Mark Clashews wanted me to ask if you guys accept homemade porn.

Well, it may not be a good fit for the festival, but it could be useful as a fundraising tool, so tell him to submit it. You never know. We have a diverse film community and provide screenings all year long. It could be the opus that convinces that one film patron to donate his trust fund and help us reach our multi-million dollar budget. You just never know what will happen with a niche market film until you send it out into the world. We are accepting submissions until the first of March, www.deadcenterfilm.org. I'll keep my eye out for it.

Q: That same guy wanted to know if you are going to show any movies about checkers.

There is a hot checkers film that is making the festival circuit at the moment. It would be a big feather in our deadCENTER cap if we could get that gem.  Tell your friend to keep checking our website, www.deadcenterfilm.org, to see what films we'll being showing in 2010. It's our tenth year, so, wow, a star-studded checker film could really put us on the map.  Can you imagine?! Let's all keep our fingers crossed.

Q: Why are you sometimes referred to as the "dark lady"?

Well, it is the character of an epic mind-altering show that I perform. It's associated with a song and, oh gosh, I can't remember at the moment who sings it. Um"¦that's embarrassing"¦well, it's a free flowing, improve kind of thing where a black wig and false eyelashes are involved. Some of the great shows can be associated with being in an over-served state. I hear it can be life changing. I don't know, I just like to sing and spread love and peace through song and pageantry.

Q: We want to make a documentary about Oklahoma weathermen.  Can you all fund it?

Wow, what an inspired idea. We can't personally fund film projects, but deadCENTER does offer a fiscal sponsorship program that can really help as a fundraising tool for filmmakers. We've had three films go thought the program, and one even received distribution from HBO. If you dream it, you can make it. And who doesn't get chills at the words "Oklahoma Weathermen". Dude, it could be huge.

Q: Last question:  Can we get any free tickets?

We don't give anything away for free but are open to bribes. Get back to me after you make me come across like a phenomenally stellar human on your blog and we'll talk.

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