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We’re Fat! We Get It!

8:43 PM EDT on August 21, 2008

Oklahoma City has a problem.  According to Men's Fitness magazine, there are only fourteen cities in the entire country that have had more trouble battling the bulge.  There are supposedly 1.5 million adults in this city who are overweight and half a million of those could be classified as obese.  The problem is so bad that Mayor Mick (who has shed quite a few pounds) put the whole city on a diet.  His goal was for the city to collectively lose one million pounds during 2008.  As of today, OKC has rallied together to lose 137,987.

Geesh!  Well, let's see, we're13% of the way to the goal, unfortunately we're 66% finished with the year.  To step it up, several prominent Oklahomans have offered diet plans to get us on the right track.  Check them out after the jump.

Craig Humphreys diet plan

Rejected Mackie McNeer Commercial:

Mackie McNeer:  Craig, how do you keep your girlish figure?

Craig Humphries:  I recently entered a Western Sizzling and didn't order steak, chicken, seafood, or ribs.

MM:  What did you order?

CH:  Nothing.  Not a single fat oozing porterhouse or a gristle covered rib.  You know what that means?

MM:  That?

CH:  I also avoided the "salad" bar which is really just a buffett loaded with colossal amounts of calories.

MM:  Well, when you put it that way...

CH & MM:  Let's NOT go!

The Bobbi Burbridge-Lane Diet

If you listen to her Sports Animal commercial, her method seems pretty complex.  However, it can be summarized pretty easily:  Get old, let organ failure burn that fat.

Lose Weight the Lauren Richardson Way

Fox25 reporter Lauren Richardson has shown that the best form of exercise is logrolling.  Unfortunately, it seems that many of our readers have found another way to exercise while watching Lauren give her reports.  (I'll leave the rest to your imagination.)

As for cutting back on calories, Lauren seems to think leaving the cherry off of your Braum's ice cream sundae is a step in the right direction.

The Mayor Mick Plan

Eat a bunch of Taco Bell, let your gastric system convince you not to eat anymore.  If that does not work, the fat people can all move to Tulsa where they managed to ascend from Men's Health Magazine's 22nd fattest city to their 13th fittest city.

Toby Keith's "I Love This Diet"

Specialty suppositories (administered by boots) are designed to raise testosterone levels fueling rage at the sight of Muslims.  This rage causes one's heart rate to surge and replaces the need to exercise.

Randy Terrill's Diet1804

Drive off all the people who work in kitchens, making access to good food impossible.

Deano's Pee Off the Pounds

Dean Blevins has a unique way of relieving oneself of that pesky water-weight.

IrritatedTulsan

Eat all that QuickTrip has to offer.  Regurgitate it all up after reading his articles about beastiality.

Clark Matthews

A triple scoop of ice cream per day.  (I may be part of the problem.)

Patrick

A liquid diet:  A six pack (of light beer--natch) for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

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