Because he’s an uninspiring, play-along, talking-point politician who parrots others and doesn’t have an original idea in his body, Oklahoma Governor Kevin Stitt—desperate to stay relevant in his final lame-duck days—announced during his State of the State address that he’s launching his own little OKIE DOGE to whip Oklahoma’s fledgling, cash-strapped government into financial shape.
And after only a few months, the results of this churn—which will supposedly save taxpayers so much money—are already starting to roll in.
According to this News 9 piece that feels like sponsored propaganda, Stitt has already saved the state THOUSANDS of dollars. Even cooler, he now has his very own robot lawnmower army to serve as his personal faith militant.
Via News 9:
"Governor Kevin Stitt is pushing forward with DOGE OK, an initiative aimed at identifying and eliminating government inefficiencies and waste. The program, first announced in his State of the State address, is projected to save Oklahoma approximately $818,000 through targeted cost-cutting measures."
Wow! Stitt was able to “save” $818,000 from Oklahoma’s $12.6 billion budget! I’m not good at Craig Humphreys’ new math, but that’s like 0.0065%. Sure, that’s a bit like bragging about the nickel you found in the couch cushion of the DHS waiting room, but I guess this proves that OKIE DOGE isn’t just some clickbait piggyback publicity campaign that Stitt will slap on his résumé when he pursues his next career move—whether as President of Oklahoma State or a member of the Ron DeSantis, Trump Jr., or Joe Exotic presidential cabinet.
It's delivering real results!
“Whatever, Patrick! Your sarcasm isn't appreciated. Taxpayer dollars matter! They are precious and should be spent wisely—like on corporate welfare for large companies and connected elites. I’m thankful Kevin Stitt found these savings.”
I don’t 100% disagree. If the cuts were justified, fine. But OKIE DOGE feels more like a pointless PR stunt designed to score brownie points and preach fealty to the MAGA crowd than a serious effort to improve Oklahoma government.
News 9 did list the four areas where the savings are coming from, so let’s take a look:
- State Agency Purchase AuditsA new software system is being implemented to audit state agency purchases, preventing what officials call "rogue purchasing." Additionally, the OMES procurement team is being reduced from 12 to 6 full-time employees, saving the state nearly $360,000.
I guess that’s neat. But I’m curious—how much does this software cost, how will automation and staff cuts impact purchasing and procurement speeds, and will it prevent a Stitt lackey from giving a BBQ grifter millions in fraudulent contracts?
- Eliminating State-Issued Cell PhonesMore than 300 state-issued cell phones have already been cut, with plans to eliminate more. This move is expected to save $217,000.
This would probably be a fair time to point out that they could save even more money by just giving everyone pagers.
- Energy Efficiency ProjectsOMES recently received a $42,000 rebate for completing a lighting retrofit project, with plans to replicate similar upgrades across other state agencies to reduce energy costs further.
Yep, it’s not just consumers buying appliances who fall for factory rebate deals. Maybe they should wait until the rebate check actually arrives next year before counting this as a win.
- Automated Mowing at the CapitolThe state has invested in automated mowers, similar to Roomba vacuum cleaners, to maintain the Capitol grounds. By eliminating the need for contract employees, this switch is expected to save $200,000 annually.
Did you get that? Kevin Stitt has equipped himself with an army of robot lawnmowers. And he did it to save the state money—not because they’re cool new toys or something he can use to intimidate others. Nope. Strictly budgetary.
I can already see the KFOR report now…
"We’re going live to the State Capitol, where Dylan Brown has more details on today's vicious lawnmower attack on State Rep. Mickey Dollens. Dylan…”
"Thanks, Kelly. Usually, a walk to the car is a peaceful time for Representative Mickey Dollens to reflect on his day, but yesterday’s lawnmower ambush was anything but!"
Seriously—is arming a politician with a fleet of autonomous, razor-sharp lawnmower robots really a good idea?
Maybe I’ve watched too much Maximum Overdrive—or Mad Men—but this won’t end well.
It also makes me terrified to think about what OKIE DOGE’s next taxpayer-saving initiative might be. Could Ryan Walters soon replace school security officers with his own fleet of T-1000 Terminators? I hate to give the man ideas, but it’s a possibility.
Anyway, I guess we have to give props to Kevin Stitt for all the money he’s saving—and for assembling a robot army to impose his will. Whether he’s in control or these machines end up playing a key role in the inevitable war between man and AI, one thing’s for sure: the future in Oklahoma is looking both bright… and gruesome.
