Grab your tinfoil hats and pop some colloidal silver! Oklahoma lawmakers are working overtime this week to tackle moronic conspiracy theories that don’t even technically exist.
This Thursday, an Oklahoma Senate committee will waste taxpayer dollars discussing SB 430.
Introduced by the kind of pretty, definitely sane State Senator Kendal Sacchieri and famed State Rep. Brad “Colored Babies” Boles, the bill seeks to ban chemicals from being released into Oklahoma’s atmosphere by secret government agents, Freemasons, James Bond villains, lizard people, and all the other cartoonish masterminds allegedly out to control the weather in the most secretive and labor-intensive way possible.
Here’s the bill summary straight from the Senate website:
That’s nice and all, but why are they addressing this when there are so many other imaginary crises that need attention? What about 5G air poisoning? Jewish space lasers? Or the Mole People plotting a first-strike volcano attack from inside the Hollow Earth?! Seems like a missed opportunity.
Unsurprisingly, this bill is very similar to one signed into law in Tennessee last year, which really makes you wonder—maybe all the greenhouse gases, pesticides, and other industrial chemicals that corporations (very non-secretly) pump into the atmosphere really are making people dumber.
Seriously, imagine being such a quack that when you look up in the sky and see water vapor condensing into ice crystals at high altitudes due to temperature and pressure changes—also known as contrails, a basic byproduct of jet engines—the first thought that pops into your head is:
“The government is spraying chemicals into the sky to control the weather.”
Like, I know that most of the people who buy into this stuff are super religious and spend their lives worshiping make-believe things in the sky, but this takes faith to a whole new level.
It also defies logic.
You’re telling me that, in this day and age of human ingenuity, the all-powerful, top-secret, world-controlling shadow government couldn’t come up with a better way to spread chemicals than giant, visible white streaks in the sky that literally anyone can see? You don’t think they’d be a little more discreet and just slip their sun-blocking cloud seeds into, oh, I don’t know, power plant emissions?
"Whatever, Patrick! This is about more than weather! They want to control our minds!"
I still don’t buy it. If they wanted to do that, there are plenty of other more clandestine methods, like putting fluoride in drinking water.
Anyway, you can read the full bill here. Unfortunately, it has just as many holes as a typical chemtrail conspiracy theory.
For example, how does the state plan to prove that these secretive chemtrail campaigns—allegedly happening for 50 years—are real, especially when not a single shred of definitive evidence has ever been produced? Will they station a deputized weatherman at the airport, ready to swab plane exhaust for traces of cloud seeds and mind-control serum?
And let’s talk logistics.
If they do suspect a chemtrail culprit, what’s the next step? Are they going to scramble an OHP airplane to chase down those mysterious deep-state cloud painters at 30,000 feet? Knowing how poorly OHP handles vehicle pursuits, that’s probably not going to end well. Hopefully, they take a more reasonable approach and simply demand the pilot land immediately and hand over their bucket of chemicals labeled:
"Super Secret Mind Control Formula – ONLY SPILL IN SKY."
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
