Watch out, world! There’s a new broligarch on the scene, and he means business!
Yesterday afternoon, as a small crowd of protesters waved signs outside the Capitol, Oklahoma Governor Kevin Stitt debuted his bold new 2025 look during his State of the State address.
Meet J.D. Stitt!
Yep, it’s official—write a novel, launch a meme coin, and slap a tariff on Kansas! Boring, churchy businessman Stitt is out. Cool, bearded, tech-bro Stitt is in!
Honestly? I kind of like this new look for Stitt. He comes across as less dopey and mopey, and now radiates a tough, hyper-masculine energy—like a guy who listens to the Jordan Peterson podcast unironically. I wonder—does Stitt now make his bed each morning, or does he still leave that to the servant girl?
The beard upgrade also helps draw attention away from his patented eyebrow bushels, which have long given Edmond estheticians nightmares. Now, all he needs is to wear AirPods 24/7, practice Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and drive a Cybertruck, and his transformation will be complete!
During his speech, Stitt revealed that it’s not just the modern-day Eric Trump / J.D. Vance beard aesthetic he’ll be copying from the White House—he’s also launching his own Oklahoma version of DOGE!
Check this out:
"I was at Mar-a-Lago a few weeks ago and talked to President Trump about DOGE at the state level.
I’m excited about the momentum, and we’re going to build on it here in Oklahoma.
Today, I’m launching DOGE-OK to keep the focus on flat budgets and limited government.
For years, I’ve instructed my cabinet secretaries and agency directors to shrink employee count and cut unnecessary contracts.
I am committed to having fewer state employees at the end of my term than when I took office in 2019.
I also mandated an end to work-from-home policies for state employees to better serve the people of our state.”
Cool stuff, huh? When I think of all the ways to improve Oklahoma’s fledgling government and make it run more efficiently, the first thing that pops into my head is an aggressive campaign to cut services and make state employees’ lives miserable. That’ll get the job done for sure!
Stitt was mum on the details of OKIE DOGE.
One big question I have is who’s going to lead it—and, more importantly, who’s going to get unprecedented access to the state’s passwords, bank accounts, and other sensitive data?
Knowing Stitt like we do, I bet he just hands the keys to Tony Aquila—the old CEO of Canoo.
If he turns it down, maybe he can get Brent Swadley or the EPIC Charter School guys to do the job. After all, who better to run a shadowy government efficiency program than guys who’ve already mastered the art of siphoning taxpayer dollars for their own benefit?
In addition to OKIE DOGE, the other big copycat idea Stitt pitched was his plan to cut—and eventually eliminate—the state income tax for all his Young Presidents Organization buddies.
"States like Texas and Florida spend less per person than any other state.
They also have no income tax.
And you don’t hear anyone complaining about their roads, schools, or hospitals.
States all around us—Nebraska, Missouri, Arkansas, Colorado, and Louisiana—are cutting their income taxes and have lower rates than we do.
If we don’t act quickly, we are going to be left behind and we’ll be considered a high-tax state.
So I’m calling for a ‘half and a path’—a half-point cut to the individual and business income tax and a path to zero income tax.”
Yep, Stitt’s going to get rid of income taxes! I mean, sure, I could use some more money in my pocket, but I’m not sure it’s worth watching our state become an unlivable hellhole in the process.
Since we’re just making things up now, maybe he can implement some other impractical, pie-in-the-sky ideas, like:
Eliminating roads to end traffic—No roads, no traffic! Problem solved.
Banning trees to end allergies—Any Oklahoma pollen that makes people sneeze is hereby outlawed.
Forcing all Oklahoma Chick-fil-A’s to be open on Sundays—It’s called economic freedom, folks!
Stitt also made sure to grandstand on every right-wing MAGA mouthbreather’s favorite topic to get mad about—illegal immigration.
Well, kind of.
Stitt actually took a weak, toned-down approach to this one. Instead of going full MAGA and announcing that the state will be rounding up all immigrants here “illegally” and releasing them into the wild to be hunted for sport, he rode the anti-immigration wave and said he’s going to target those pesky undocumented immigrants who are currently in Oklahoma prisons.
"On Day One in office, President Trump closed the border and made it clear that illegal immigration would no longer be tolerated.
I launched Operation Guardian here in Oklahoma to help keep communities safe.
I instructed Commissioner of Public Safety Tim Tipton and Department of Corrections Director Steve Harpe to be ready to assist the Trump administration as they begin deporting those who have committed crimes while here illegally.
After all, the Oklahoma taxpayers shouldn’t be paying millions of dollars a year to keep criminals incarcerated when they shouldn’t be in our state to begin with.”
Regardless of your views on immigration, this doesn’t seem like a bad idea.
Sure, it could jeopardize our state’s ranking as the Incarceration Capital of the World, and while it’s common practice for people to be locked up in the state, country, or jurisdiction where they committed the crime, I guess I don’t have a big issue with sending incarcerated immigrants back to their home country—where, apparently, they’ll just walk free with no punishment for their crimes.
Anything to save a buck, right?
Regurgitated images and ideas from the Trump administration weren’t the only things Stitt pitched during his speech. He also made sure to pump up the Office of Faith-Based Initiatives:
"I wanted to cement this priority, so I created the Office of Faith-Based Initiatives.
This office focuses on bringing the faith community and nonprofit community together to solve problems that the government can’t.
Daniel and May Cave lived in Choctaw, OK, and lost their home and belongings in a fall tornado.
The Office of Faith-Based Initiatives helped connect the Caves with Harrah Baptist Church, which provided them with meals, childcare, clothing, and moving assistance.
It was the perfect display of the Oklahoma Standard—neighbors walking with neighbors.”
Wow. What a guy, huh? Thanks to Kevin Stitt, churches are now helping people after tornadoes and natural disasters.
I’m so glad that Stitt—a man who wants to eliminate government bureaucracy from our lives—created an entirely new government office to regulate the Oklahoma Standard.
Small government for the win. Amen!
Anyway, those topics—along with admiring his new beard—are just a few of my logical and critical judgments from Stitt’s second-to-last State of the State address.
If you want to read the whole speech, you can do that here. If you want to watch it, you can do that here. And if you just want a simple overview that was likely written by AI and regurgitates Stitt’s speech with a positive, uncritical eye, Oklahoma’s Own News 9 has you covered.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
