If I were to tell you that Ryan Walters was being probed, your reaction would likely be one of joy and elation, leading you to say something like…
“Good! It’s about time we shine a light up there to see what’s stuck in his ass! Sure, it’s probably just Matt Langston’s tiny hand holding a puppet cord, but it would explain and confirm why Ryan always has that blank, quizzical, and very uncomfortable expression on his face.”
If I were to then explain that it’s not a colonoscopy, alien examination device, or 1996 Ford Probe we’re talking about, and that Ryan’s being probed by the Oklahoma Ethics Committee for his use of state assets and resources to promote political activity on his official social media channels, you’d still probably be excited.