It’s time to welcome a new cardboard celebrity to the OKC news scene!
Yesterday evening, Cardboard Dolly Parton made her local debut on News 9 to promote a Pioneer Library System program that provides free books to newborn babies—who, at last check, don’t know how to read.
Check this out:
That’s cool and everything, but I do have a couple of questions:
1. Is it weird that the cardboard cutout in the photo above is the only one that actually looks like a real human? Are those other people real, or are they just cardboard cutouts of a generic librarian and your dad’s golf buddy?
2. Why exactly are we giving books to newborn babies? Did they also send them home with some beef jerky to snack on? I mean, I get that it’s a nice gesture, but giving a newborn a free book is kind of like giving a cardboard cutout of Dolly Parton a free bra. They’re just not going to use it. Well, unless they get a 3D printer.
Then again, we live in a world where everyone wants a handout, even if they’re a newborn who literally has no idea what’s happening.
Here’s how Lisa Wells – one of the non-cardboard cutouts in the photo that kind of looks like a cardboard cutout – had to say about the program:
“So, we’re very happy to be providing books to newborns in the area and they’ll receive their first book when they leave the hospital,” said Lisa Wells, Executive Director of Pioneer Library System.
This is the third year for the program partially funded by the State Department of Education.
“We have just over ten thousand children registered for the program in our three-county service area,” said Wells.
Yep, the program is partially funded by the State Department of Education. That’s… not good. When Ryan Walters learns about this in his daily news “summation" briefing, I fully expect him to order a cardboard cutout of himself and then hold a press conference demanding that Goodnight Moon be replaced by the Good News Bible!
Hehe. Just kidding. He’ll actually pick the Trump bible instead.
Until that inevitably happens—which, let’s be honest, will probably be this Friday—I’d like to encourage all expecting moms to hurry up and have their babies so they can claim that free book. And, if the Pioneer Library System happens to have an extra Cardboard Dolly lying around, hit me up. Cardboard Jim is getting a little lonely and could really use a 2D companion.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
