As you’re probably aware, Ryan Walters' latest attempt to pander to Donald Trump for a possible administration position went viral over the weekend after reports surfaced that Oklahoma is going to spend $3 million on 55,000 Trump Bibles.
Well, at least that’s the general, slightly misleading, but kind of true narrative making the rounds in the national press and social media.
Here’s a quick recap of the situation in case you got too drunk and forgot:
As part of his plan to A) indoctrinate Oklahoma students, B) pander to Christian nationalists, C) position himself for a possible cabinet position in a second Trump administration, and D) distract people from his systematic destruction of Oklahoma's public school system, Ryan Walters announced at a recent state school board meeting that he wanted $6 million to put Bibles in every Oklahoma classroom.
You know, typical right-wing extremist theocrat type of shit.
The move triggered the expected online outrage and hysteria from those wacky liberals, RINOs, and other sane people who think that spending any money, much less $6 million, on forcing religion onto public school students is sinister and wrong. These sane people think there should be a clear distinction and separation between church and state, an idea that Walters—an imbecile—claims was forced upon us by radical Supreme Court justices.
The panic and hysteria were turned up to 11, however, after Walters' administration issued his purchase order for the Bibles.
In addition to the Old and New Testaments, he mandated that the Oklahoma classroom Bibles must be “leather-bound” and include texts like the Pledge of Allegiance, the Declaration of Independence, and—in an effort to teach students about the laws his Bible edict contradicts—the U.S. Constitution.
According to a hardcore investigation by Jennifer “Pickle-O” Palmer with Oklahoma Watch, only one leather-bound Bible in the whole God-created world meets Walters' strident and oddly specific requirements—the infamous Trump Bible.
Via Oklahoma Watch:
Superintendent Ryan Walters isn’t just talking about buying Bibles for schools.
Bids opened Monday for a contract to supply the state Department of Education with 55,000 Bibles. According to the bid documents, vendors must meet certain specifications: Bibles must be the King James Version, contain the Old and New Testaments, include copies of the Pledge of Allegiance, the Declaration of Independence, the U.S. Constitution, and the Bill of Rights, and be bound in leather or leather-like material.
A salesperson at Mardel Christian & Education searched, and though they carry 2,900 Bibles, none fit the parameters.
But one Bible fits perfectly: Lee Greenwood’s God Bless the U.S.A. Bible, endorsed by former President Donald Trump and commonly referred to as the Trump Bible. They cost $60 each online, with Trump receiving fees for his endorsement.
Mardel doesn’t carry the God Bless the U.S.A. Bible or another Bible that could meet the specifications, the We The People Bible, which was endorsed by Donald Trump Jr. It sells for $90.
Yep, that’s right. The Bible that Ryan wants is so specific that even Mardel doesn’t carry it! How’s that possible? That’s like ordering a “Live, Laugh, Love” wall ornament so intricate that Hobby Lobby doesn’t have it in stock. It’s damn near impossible!
Before we continue, I have two quick things to say to Ryan Walters.
The first is “Fck You.”
Friendly reminder: from Eddie Radio, to my neighbors, to the staff at the Harbor Mountain Coffeehouse, everyone who’s not a secret member of God’s Misfits hates your guts and thinks you're a loser.
The second thing is “Way to go, buddy!”
Ever since you broke bad and changed from a respected teacher into a loathsome right-wing provocateur and grifter, you’ve gone out of your way to pander to Donald Trump and try to position yourself for even more power and riches should Trump lie and cheat his way to another presidency.
I have to say, using $3.2 million in taxpayer dollars to try to buy 55,000 Trump Bibles is a good way to do exactly that! Outside of adding Trump University to the Oklahoma State System of Higher Education, there’s no better way to use Oklahoma taxpayers' dollars to appease him.
Once again, way to go.
Right now, the only problem with Ryan’s plan is that it’s blatantly unconstitutional, will face many legal challenges, the legislature hasn’t okayed the expense, and the bidding process appears to violate numerous Oklahoma laws and protocols:
Former Oklahoma Attorney General Drew Edmondson said the request for proposals might violate state law.
“It appears to me that this bid is anything but competitive,” Edmondson said. “It adds to the basic specification other requirements that have nothing to do with the text. The special binding and inclusion of government documents will exclude almost all bidders. If the bid specs exclude most bidders unnecessarily, I could consider that a violation.”
Basically, it doesn’t look very likely that Ryan’s going to be able to fully execute his plan and force a Trump Bible into every classroom.
Even without the Bible stunt coming to fruition, I think Ryan’s already proven enough to be on Trump’s shortlist for Secretary of Education.
If Trump’s able to outright win and/or commandeer the Presidency via an organized coup this November, you have to think he’ll try to find some sort of position for the McAlesterite.
As his work as Oklahoma State School Superintendent has shown, Ryan’s the absolute perfect guy to mismanage, corrupt, and sabotage, from the inside, the U.S. Department of Education.
He’ll be sure to manufacture a shitload of attention-getting sideshow publicity, too.
Seriously, if you thought Scott Pruitt leading the EPA was a total shitshow, just wait until the D.C. vultures, national media, and establishment swamp pick Ryan apart! Instead of spending $43,000 for a soundproof phone booth to take private calls, I bet he’d install a replica Tan CRV to record video selfies!
Sadly, I doubt Ryan in D.C. would last much longer than Pruitt. Just like that henchman, I bet Ryan would probably flee back to Oklahoma, run for governor or some other office, and then lose. Basically, it will all be a lot of fun to watch.
Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.
