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Report: Kevin Stitt does in fact have a heart

10:11 AM EDT on September 25, 2024

We have exciting news to report!

Although his practices and policies – like turning down federal funding to feed hungry kids – may make you think otherwise, we are happy to confirm that Oklahoma Governor Stitt does indeed have a heart!

Not surprisingly, it’s a poorly maintained one in dire need of repairs:

Yep, it looks like meat-week-every-week has finally caught up with ol’ Governor Stitt! If they haven’t already, PETA should book a billboard near his Edmond mansion encouraging him to get on a heart-healthy vegan diet!

As a 46-year-old who is already on a heavy dose of blood pressure medication and will probably need a stent someday, I’m going to go easy on Stitt and try my best to avoid immediate karma. That’s one reason I’m including that happy and active header pic of Stitt to accompany this article. Look at that heart-healthy guy!

That image is a lot friendlier and more positive than the photos other media outlets chose for their “Stitt Gets Stent!” coverage.

For example, OKC’s Channel 9 – and Tulsa’s Channel 6 – went with a stern and stressed photo of Stitt for their article:

Tulsa’s Fox 23 chose a pic that appears to show Stitt having a massive heart attack:

The Tulsa World, meanwhile, chose a photo that makes a sweaty and disheveled Stitt look like he’s entering the seven chambers of Hell after suffering a massive heart attack:

Seriously, the dude just had a stent put in his body! Can’t the media play nice for once and show Stitt happy and proud?

KFOR kind of went that route, but I’m not sure Stitt making an “OH!” face counts:

Neither does KJRH’s photo selection of Stitt apparently listening to doctors inform him that he needs to eat more vegetables:

About the only outlet to show an actually happy Stitt is KRMG – some radio station out of Tulsa. They make Stitt look happier than a hospital patient realizing they have a hot nurse!

From tax policy to public school privatization to whether or not it’s right to block federal money from going to the hungry and poor, Kevin Stitt and I may disagree on many things, but there’s one thing we’re aligned on – getting old sucks.

We wish him the best of luck in his recovery and hope to see him at The Loaded Bowl soon.

Stay with The Lost Ogle. We’ll keep you advised.

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