Another reason to not vote for Calvey – trust me, there are a lot of them – is that he uses his children as props in his political campaigns. Check out this creepy mailer he sent to Republican voters which purportedly is a handwritten letter composed by his 13-year-old daughter:
First of all, what's the point of this letter? Is he trying to reach the ever-elusive "I care what a politician's 13-year-old kid thinks about their parents?" voting demographic...
"Hank? Who ya'll votin' for DA?"
"Probably that Kevin Calvalry feller. Did you see that letter his teenager daughter wrote? She has great penmanship!"
Second, are there any cryptographers out there who can scan this letter to see if it contains any secret codes for help?
I tried some rudimentary procedures like checking the first letter of each paragraph to see if they spelled out something like "SOS! Send Help Now!!!" but that turned up nothing.
You can't really blame me for checking.
As Tara Blume noted on Twitter, the letter does have some weird passages where the daughter claims "Daddy makes us behave" and how she's "rarely scolded anymore" because she's learned "how to be a young lady" at age 13.
Perhaps the most compelling reason to believe the letter contains a secretly coded cry for help is Calvey's haircut history. You have to admit, it does give off some creepy "Keep the kids chained to their beds for not paying attention in Bible study" vibes to it...
Note to self – Never vote for someone who uses a Flowbee.
Anyway, I guess if you're a fan of Sudoko or whatever, look through the letter and let us know if you're able to crack the code. Also, don't vote for Kevin Calvery. On both the Democrat and Republican side, there are better right-wing options out there.