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35-Year-Old Virgin Announces Run for Jim Inhofe’s Senate Seat

7:08 AM EST on February 28, 2022

As we mentioned on Friday, Jim Inhofe caught the Oklahoma politosphere off-guard last week when he endorsed his virtually unknown Chief of Staff Luke Holland to fill his soon-to-be-open US Senate seat.

When you think about it, it's actually not a bad political play/cop-out by the old snowball-throwing geezer.

Inhofe knows that a lot of his right-wing buddies in the Oklahoma GOP will be clamoring for the open seat, so it makes sense for him to avoid playing favorites or hurting any feelings by endorsing his long-time aide.

Holland held a press conference on Friday to introduce himself to the media. For the most part, he appears to be the standard right-wing Evangelical Republican politician. He was born into affluence, is super religious, and thinks global warming is a hoax. One thing in particular, though, stood out:

Wow. I know totally responsible media outlets like us shouldn't speculate, but since Holland "wants to restore Christian values to our nation," and he's single because "the lord hasn't provided the right woman," I guess that means he's a 35-year-old virgin?

I say that because, obviously, a devout man like him wouldn't be a hypocrite, slap Christian values in the face, and have sexual relations with apparently the wrong woman out of wedlock... right?

Before some virgin leaves an angry comment, I want to be clear – I don't think there's anything wrong with being a 35-year-old virgin. I'm sure there are a few left in the world and they mean well. That being said, I prefer the politicians I vote for to have lots of sex and affairs, as I feel it better prepares them for a life in politics.

I also think God not yet providing the right woman for Holland may be a turnoff for Oklahoma Evangelical voters, most of which seem to find the right man or woman by the time they attend the Fall's Creek Church Camp.

For example, Nathan Dahm – one of Holland's Senate opponents – was recently provided the right sweater-wearing woman by God. If you're a God-fearing Evangelical voter, that has to mean something:

Seriously, why would God bless Dahm with the right woman but not Holland? It makes you wonder if God knows something the rest of us don't.

Anyway, we wish Holland the best of luck in the upcoming election. If Inhofe really wants him to win, though, he may want to have the same talk Grandpa Ed had with Dwayne in Little Miss Sunshine. It could help Holland's chances, and prepare him for a career in the Senate.

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