If you would have told me back on September 4th as I was prepping my famous queso for the OU - Tulane game that Bob Stoops would be coaching OU in the Alamo Bowl in December, I probably would have asked what Lincoln Riley did to either get fired or die. As we know, neither happened, but here we are...
Yes, it's kind of an OSU move to get excited about an Alamo Bowl victory, especially when it was against a bunch of overmatched replacement players wearing futuristic Oregon uniforms, but I'd like to congratulate Coach Stoops for cementing his status in all-time Sooner lore with last night's win. He's one badass Sooner. I also can't wait to see what Brent Venables does in Norman, and all the mean things Sooner fans like me say about him if he fails.
Anyway, our march through 2021 continues with a look back at September. Enjoy.
Markwayne Mullin moonlights as commando in thwarted Afghanistan rescue mission attempt…
Date: 9/1/21
What We Said: "Late last night, The Washington Post reported that our favorite cage-fighting dur-hickey of a congressman – Markwayne Mullin – threatened the American ambassador to Tajikistan after they denied his emphatic request to give him cash and a helicopter so he could heroically waltz into Afghanistan and rescue some stranded Americans.
When the story first broke, the Washington Post reported that Markwayne – or should we now call him Johnmarkwayne – was AWOL and, much like his common sense, “whereabouts unknown.”
Best Comment: "Just think, he could have actually helped American citizens if he’d ever bothered to put on a uniform instead of grandstanding ‘look at me!’ No respect for dips*^ts like this who think they can lead without ever having served."
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Newest Ogle earns right-wing backlash after horse dewormer fake news controversy…
Date: 9/7/21
What We Said: "In case you missed it, Katelyn – daughter of Kevin, sister of Abigail, and the latest Ogle to enter the Oklahoma City news scene – became the subject of online ridicule and criticism from the right-wing social media echo chamber after a kind of flawed, kind of misleading story she reported for KFOR was aggregated into a very flawed, very misleading viral news story for Rolling Stone."
Best Comment: "Give her some slack. It’s incredibly tough for an Ogle to get a job in the OKC tv market."
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Kevin Stitt buys Edmond mansion for $2.75-million…
Date: 9/9/21
What We Said: "The Ogle Mole Network lit up with dispatches informing us that the Stitt family recently paid $2.7-million for an Edmond mansion that was previously owned by former PGA golf pro Scott Verplank.
Yep, that’s right. $2.7 million. Hopefully, Stitt was able to put at least 20% down, because the PMI on that would be outrageous!"
Best Comment: "Man of the people."
See Also: Kevin Stitt puts $4.5-million mansion on the market…
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10 places Leonardo DiCaprio should visit to really experience Oklahoma culture!
Date: 9/16/21
What We Said: "Over the past couple of months, Oscar-winning actor and environmental activist Leonardo DiCaprio has been seen cavorting around Oklahoma visiting museums and hanging out with Mayor Holt on breaks from filming the new Scorsese film, Killers of the Flower Moon.
Though I’m glad he is taking some time to experience what this state has to offer to tourists, I’m afraid Leo is missing out on some true, authentic adventures. Here are 7 places Leonardo DiCaprio should visit to really experience Oklahoma culture!"
Best Comment: What about a pic at the cock ring?
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Moore PD scoops up Crest Pizza Roll Pooper!
Date: 9/17/21
What We Said: "After an exhaustive manhunt that didn’t leave any lavatory unturned, the Moore Police Department announced they have apprehended the man accused of taking a large dump atop a bag of pizza rolls inside the grocer’s freezer at Crest."
Best Comment: "Can always count on TLO to give us the straight poop."
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TLO Restaurant Review: Thirty Nine at the First Americans Museum
Date: 9/21/21
What We Said: "As I scooped full spoons of stew into my gullet after downing large chunks of cornbread, there was a part of me that wished my late father, my family, my ancestors, could be there with me at this moment to share a bowl with me and have a piece of this sweet bread, even if they would have probably put too much salt on it. Maybe someday, when I’m long gone."
Best Comment: I’ve had Pashofa which is Hominy Stew and is delicious. I look forward to the Museum and the restaurant.
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Kevin Stitt, holder of Bachelor’s degree, wears PhD regalia to Harroz inauguration
Date: 9/22/21
What We Said: "I haven’t been able to verify this hissy fit – hearsay isn’t the most reliable source so we’ll categorize it as a rumor – but after watching some video from the event, and asking a few OU moles about the university’s regalia, it does appear that a glum and maskless Kevin Stitt did wear a cheesy, over-the-top, elitist wardrobe that’s generally reserved for people who actually had to work hard to earn advanced degrees, as opposed to just being banned from doing banking in Georgia."
Best Comment: "This clearly a misrepresentation of your academic credentials. If you were to do something similar in a job application, you would likely not be hired for the job. Or if you were, and your lie was discovered you could likely be fired. He is only trying to make himself appear more knowledgeable than he actually is."
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