Our 2021 Year End countdown continues with August of 2021. Maybe I've been sniffing too much glue, but this month feels like it was only four months ago.
7 Props John Bennett Can Use in His Next GOP Propaganda Video!
Date: 8/6/2021
What We Said: "In his latest video though, Bennett has tripled down on the psychosis, switching to a copy of the Holy Bible on his desk, which, honestly, seems crazier than the gun, but not a scary as his rant on Covid, among other things. But it got me to thinking: what other right-wing props can Bennett use in his videos to win over his deranged fanbase in the upcoming election?"
Best Comment: Can someone please put a big dildo on the desk instead of the gun or Bible?
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Report: Backwoods Black Market Castrator To Testify Against Husband
Date: 8/9/2021
What We Said: I guess it’s also not surprising that Gates is flipping on Allen. I spent way too much time on their Facebook pages after this news broke, and you could tell that Allen seemed more like the alpha in their romance, and the brains behind the operation. He also probably had some heavy sway over Gates. Hopefully, Gates is able to move on with his life, get some treatment and, in the future, keep human body parts out of his freezer.
Best Comment: I think “castration beat” might be an oxymoron.
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OHP lets crazed road rage lunatic off with ticket…
Date: 8/10/21
What We Said: No matter how tempting it may be, that’s something you can’t just do. It’s dangerous, can hurt or kill people, and you may face a variety of charges like assault with a deadly weapon, child endangerment, or, in this case, a couple of tickets for speeding and an improper lane change.
Best Comment: OHP has no choice but to charge this lunatic with felonies, especially with the video proof. Child endangerment, assault with a deadly weapon, maybe even attempted murder. Plus, the victim should sue his ass off. The dipshit’s insurance (assuming he has any) will pay for the victim, but not for his pretty red truck. While any monetary award would be nice, nothing short of jail time for this asshole will suffice. He can use that time to reflect on his stupidity, and come up with a plan to pay for his damages.
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Rez Recaps: Reservation Dogs Ep. 1 / Ep. 2
Date: 8/11/21
What We Said: America always seems to lust after Indigenous people when they’re at their lowest, for dramatic purposes, of course. Very rarely are their comical sides ever shown—probably because it actually humanizes us too much—which makes Reservation Dogs not only a groundbreaking series, but one of the truest shows ever presented on television.
With a title that is both a play on Quentin Tarantino’s debut feature and the famed broken-down dogs that live on said land, created by Oklahoma filmmaker Sterlin Harjo and New Zealand filmmaker Taika Waititi, it features not only the lives of four Indigenous teenagers struggling to leave the rez after the death of their friend, but the cast of comical characters that surrounds them.
Best Comment: "Watched the first two, can’t wait for more! Incredibly likeable characters, played by an equally incredible cast. I barely watch American scripted TV. I guess if I had to get invested in an American show, get invested in the one with *real* Americans in front of and behind the camera."
See Also: Other Reservation Dogs Recaps
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Stitt appoints leading SQ 788 critic to head Oklahoma Medical Marijuana Authority
Date: 8/19/21
What We Said: In an effort to prove true the stereotype that you can’t count on potheads to get the job done, the OMMA announced yesterday they have hired yet another new Executive Director to lead the agency.
This time around that person is Adria Berry. Plucked straight from the Oklahoma ruling class and establishment farm system, she’s spent the last year or so working for the Oklahoma Petroleum Alliance. Before that, she worked as a legal mercenary for the State Chamber while they embarked on their comical campaign to defeat SQ 788.
Best Comment: This is the State Chamber flack that Bud Scott kept crushing during televised and community hosted debates during the SQ 788 campaign. The State Chamber just quit sending her to get her ass kicked in those debates after a while. She’s back.
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A Chef’s Kiss: An Evening Trip to Sergio’s Italian Bistro in Norman
Date: 8/26/21
What We Said: From the outside, it is very much an Italian restaurant of classical design, the kind you’d see in foreign movies from the early 1970s, with aged lattice surrounding us, really the way that outdoor seating should be done. As we looked over the menus for the evening, a couple of middle-aged drunks stumbled out, the smell of vino heavy on them.
Best Comment: The Google translate pronunciation device renders gnocchi as ee-YOK-key — which is why I don’t always trust it.
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Oklahoma woman makes up incredible story about “saving” Afghanistan girls robotic team!
Date: 8/30/21
What We Said: Just like the Oklahoma Standard, Allyson’s story appears to be a media-manufactured lie. According to the Washington Post and other outlets, a lawyer for the girl’s robotics team sent Allyson a cease-and-desist, claiming the girls have no idea who she is, and that she was not “involved in any material way with the girls leaving Afghanistan.”
Best Comment: This Trump lover is a total and complete fraud. Her “Harvard degree” is from the Harvard Extension School, which any lunkhead can sign up for if they’ve got the bucks to pay for it. It’s basically the equivalent of a community college adult education certificate. She also claims to have attended Julliard at the same time she was pursuing her “Harvard degree,” to have worked for NASA, etc. She’ll probably be our next governor after Lurch Stitt ascends to the White House.
