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Satire

10 new website names for Kevin Stitt

7:39 AM EST on December 2, 2021

Bad news, everyone who is the current sitting governor of Oklahoma!

The website domain www.kevinstitt.com has been taken over by a group of folks who definitely are not Kevin Stitt.

To be fair, it appears the Governor never owned the domain, but the governor and whichever likely unpaid 19-year-old intern who was tasked to secure relevant domain names shouldn’t panic. We at TLO got you covered. Patrick and I came up with 10 alternative domain names Kevin Stitt could use instead.

1. JohnStitt.com

John is Stitt’s legal first name, anyway. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel here.

2. LincolnRileySucks.com

The ultimate goal of a domain name is to draw web traffic into whatever you’re hocking on the internet. This would probably get more hits than anything else the Stitt campaign team can secure between now and the next election.

3. BullStitt.com

Actually, I think Mick Cornett already owns that one.

4. WhereInTheWorldIsKevinStitt.com

It’s never too early to introduce kids to politicized propaganda! Like Where’s Waldo, Carmen San Diego, or that alleged sex offender from the Today Show, kids can spend hours on this site combing through exotic locations such as Mexico City, Azerbaijan, and the New Mexico slopes trying to spot the ever-elusive Governor Stitt enjoying coffee or playing cops and robbers among the busy webpages. It’s a fun way for kids to get excited about seeing Stitt so they’ll be eager to vote for him in 7 years when he inevitably runs for president.

5. StitterUp.com

According to sources, this may be his new campaign slogan.

6. UngovernedGovernor.com

The Ungoverned Governor can be taken two ways. Stitt would think this is his calling card as the governor who stands up for corporate state’s rights by refusing to uphold the liberal president’s vaccine mandate. To most of us, “Ungoverned” more calls back to his job navigating the state through the pandemic and every other event that has occurred over the last 18 months that isn’t National Smores Day. But don’t tell Stitt that.

7. KevinOrHell.com

Because if you don’t vote for Kevin Stitt, the liberals are going to come in and raise the minimum wage, abolish the death penalty, make abortions safe and legal, mandate restrictions to curb the spread of the pandemic, and force you to get training before you can conceal a handgun in Walmart. Sounds like hell, right?

8. MeatStitt.com

I think that's his user name in Fortnite.

9. StittBlade.com

In addition to explaining his stance on issues, Stitt could sell biscuits and mustard and share lawnmower repair tips.

10. StittShow.com

His ultimate goal is probably to retire a heavily-paid 11:00/10:00 AM central Fox News pundit, so might as well shoot for the moon and secure the Stitt Show domain now. Until then, at least this punny domain name would best correspond with his work as governor so far.

Hayley would visit the StittShow. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek and become a contributing member of TLO here.

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