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7 reasons why Oklahoma needs to fight for border security… with Texas

8:08 AM EDT on November 1, 2021

Last month, Oklahoma Governor and make-believe aficionado Kevin Stitt took a trip to the US-Mexico border to be briefed on America’s War on Drugs and dress like a real-life border patrol agent.

Someone was a little too ready for Halloween.

Like most “issues” our esteemed governor likes to turn his attention to, I think there are bigger problems to worry about that are closer to home, if you will.

In fact, here’s 7 reasons why Oklahoma needs to fight for border security with Texas instead!

Keep Oklahoma Drugs Within Our Borders

According to our esteemed governor, we need to secure our borders to keep drugs from crossing the international line. I think we should also apply this logic to the dividing line between Oklahoma and Texas. Because it’s easier now than ever for non-residents to get their medical marijuana card, we need to work harder at keeping our drugs within our borders.

Prevent Texans from drowning out the rightwing thoughts of Derplahomans

Oklahoma already has its fair share of right-wing gun-nuts hellbent on misunderstanding the “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” metaphor and overthrowing Biden. We don’t need anymore.

Protect Greer County

Texas has been trying to annex Greer County in Southwest Oklahoma ever since Texas established Greer County in 1860. We shouldn’t trust any Texans heading North of the Red River, lest someone attempt to steal our stolen land.

Stop the Smuggling of Buc-ee’s Nuts

The amount of Buc-ee’s Nuts being purchased in Denton and smuggled across the border is astonishing, costing the Oklahoma economy billions each year in lost sales to the Oklahoma Pecan Company. Folks in this state just need to be patient and wait to buy Buc-ee’s Nuts legally when the first Oklahoma storefront opens in El Reno next year.

Protect Oklahoma Jobs

Labor shortage, smabor smortage. We need to protect our jobs from Texans at all costs, because most of us would rather wait an hour and 55 minutes for the wrong pizza to be delivered to our house than worry about seeing a Texan IRL this far removed from the OU/Texas game.

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Distract us from more important issues

The more time, energy, and resources we spend securing the Red River border, the less attention we give to the goddang global pandemic, the three anti-abortion bills that went into effect today, and playing Where in the World is Governor Kevin Stitt. Speaking of which…

Save Tax Payer Money

Word on the street is that Governor Stitt’s excursion to the border with Mexico last month cost the state $12,199. If we focus our attention on securing the border with Texas instead, it should only cost the state $50 in Amtrak coach ticket fees to get Stitt to the border and back. $25 if we just leave him there.

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Hayley is looking forward to crossing the border this month. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek and become a contributing member of TLO here.

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