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5 ways for OG&E to make money

7:56 AM EDT on September 23, 2021

2020/2021 winter (and fall)was not kind to Oklahomans.

In October, Oklahoma was hit with a major storm that left 400,000 homes in the dark as the above-ground power lines across the metro were shrouded in ice. Then in February 2021, a friggin arctic blast blasted arctic weather, coating the state with inches of snow, dropping temperatures to record lows, freezing the Draper water treatment plant, and leading to rolling blackouts at the absolute worst possible time.

Despite the deadly conditions that Oklahomans found themselves facing, none suffered as greatly as our venerable energy provider – OG&E.

Recently, the company claims to have spent approximately $875 million during the winter storm to restore services in a timely manner “to support” their “customers” during the severe weather. As a result, they're now asking the Corporation Commission to allow OG&E—whose net income $174,000,000 in 2021—to recoup that money from said customers.

Look, I know the winter storm was hard on everyone and OG&E employees worked their tails off last year to restore services. But as OKC residents were told to conserve water during the storm or how OG&E itself urged Oklahomans to conserve power despite the subzero temperatures, maybe OG&E executives should have conserved some cash?

Since it apparently didn’t, here’s 5 ways for OG&E to make money without raising Oklahomans’ bills!

Ask the Government

Look, I know it’s probably a lot easier to pay off the $875 million by relying on the passive income of charging your Oklahoma customers extra every month for the next 10 years. As Patrick penned in his open letter to OG&E CEO Sean Trauschke, maybe the company could lobby for some federal assistance to help in mitigating the damage caused by the winter storms? Surely OG&E has enough in their annual lobbying budget to get something done here.

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Start an OnlyFans

There’s gotta be some niche market for sexy mounted access platforms. It’s the internet.

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Make Etsy Crafts

Why not use some of that leftover storm debris to make fashionable fall wreathes out of sticks and leaves? Then market them on Etsy or set them on a folding table at the Edmond Farmers Market and those bad boys will sell out faster than rattlesnake hotdogs at the State Fair.

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Work in the Service Industry

Everyone knows that there has been a service industry employee shortage in the state. If OG&E executives are really that desperate for money, maybe they can get a real job.

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Budget Better

Look, decreasing one salary won’t solve OG&E’s financial crisis. But when the CEO’s salary is approximately 58 times higher than the median employee salary and there is still a supposed need to charge customers more despite the company having over a billion dollars in profit last year, ya’ll at OG&E might need to reevaluate your budget. Take a Dave Ramsey class at church or some shit.

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Hayley budgets her beer money well. Follow her on Twitter @squirrellygeek and become a contributing member of TLO here.

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