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OKC Fun Police To Crack Down On Fireworks

8:03 AM EDT on June 28, 2021

We have sad news for patriots, pyromaniacs and people who like to torment anxious dogs.

This July 4th, the Oklahoma City Fire Department is pairing up with the OKCPD to enforce ordinances that prohibit the use of fireworks without a permit. Yep, that's right. First, they told us we can’t light up a cigarette within 10 feet of a business’ door. Now they’re trying to tell us we can’t light a firecracker without adult supervision permission from the Fire Marshal. Next, they’re going to make it illegal to burn our used car tires and ash out of our own car windows.

Anyway, there are probably some good reasons why you shouldn't use fireworks in city limits, but there are even more that say you should. Here are 5 reasons why Oklahoma City residents should be allowed to set off their own firecrackers!

Oklahomans Like Booms

From semi-automatics to 1960s flight experiments to fracking-induced shifts in the tectonic plates, Oklahomans appreciate the sound of a good Boom.

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Gender Reveal Parties

Okay, so this isn't limited to the 4th of July. But how else will Oklahomans know the genitalia, expected gender roles, or Browning onesie camo color of their infants without baby blue or peony pink flash powder?

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We Got a Lot of Rain This Week

We sure got a lot of rain this week, so it’s not like we’re in a burn ban or anything. The only thing Oklahomans are at risk of burning are themselves. Speaking of…

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Medicaid Expanded

Thanks to Medicaid expansion taking place earlier this year, 50,000 more Oklahomans now have health insurance. So if a firecra-tastrophe happens, Oklahomans are covered. But I wouldn’t worry too much about the health and safety of Oklahomans lighting firecrackers because…

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We are Genetically Firecracker Experts

FACT. The average Oklahoman was given their first lit sparkler at age 2 and blew up their first action figure with self-lit Black Cats by the age of 5. Oklahomans are genetically firecracker experts because those who aren’t generally aren't chosen to procreate due to weak firecracker skills and are thus removed from the gene pool.

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Hayley once got offered a job at a fireworks stand. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek and become a contributing member of TLO here.

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