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Oklahoma Woman Attacks Boyfriend’s Pet Lizard

8:26 AM EDT on April 28, 2021

Here's a story that will make you want to shed your skin.

Earlier this week, OKCPD arrested a local herpetophobiac named Hannah Buchanan after she attacked her boyfriend's lizard after the reptile shit in her bed.

KOKH Fox 25 was first to report this scaly story:

A woman is facing animal cruelty charges police say after she sprayed a lizard with Febreze and threw it across a room after becoming upset that it pooped on her bed.

According to a police report, Hannah Buchanan, 24, became irate that her boyfriend's lizard pooped on her bed so she grabbed a can of Febreze and directly sprayed the lizard.

First of all, this is why you should never get romantically involved with a person who has a pet lizard. Nothing good can come out of it.

Second, what type of lizard are we talking about? Is it a little chameleon or a giant iguana? I'm not condoning reptile abuse, but the size of the animal probably matters a bit in this situation.

Third, imagine being that lizard. You just ate a nice, filling meal of crickets, defecated on a sheet, and are just laying in bed enjoying life as a lizard, and then some lady with a neck tattoo starts spraying you with chemicals that smell like fresh linens. That had to suck. Febreze is basically the pepper spray of air fresheners.

Unfortunately for the lizard, things got worse:

Her boyfriend told police he then grabbed the lizard abd placed it on his shoulder and took it to the bathroom to wash off the febreze.

He told officers that Buchanan followed him to the bathroom and was yelling, pushing, and slapping him.

The report says that Buchanan then grabbed the lizard and threw it on the ground approximately six feet away from the couple.

A couple of years ago, I was sitting on my couch, writing for this website and felt something crawling on my leg. I quickly froze and looked down expecting to see a bug or spider, and instead saw a tiny lizard – they're called house geckos – just hanging out on my calf. In a situation like that, it's okay to maybe freak out and throw a lizard across the room, but not after they shit in your bed!

Okay, maybe that is a decent excuse. I honestly don't know.

Obviously, the follow-up question is "How's the lizard?" That's a great question. KOKH 25 doesn't answer it in their story, so I got the police report from OKCPD:

Okay, so the police report doesn't give an update on the lizard's condition. It just mentions the lizard was abused. Hopefully, the little guy's okay and at the vet recovering. I'll let you know if they start a Go Fund Me. Stay with The Lost Ogle. We'll keep you advised.

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