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Report: Oklahoma Billionaires Look Like Regular Oklahomans

7:50 AM EDT on April 13, 2021

Last week, Forbes published its annual ranking of the world's billionaires. This year's list included 2,755 people, which is 660 more than last year.

I did a little Google search to see if I could find all the Oklahomans on the list, and stumbled across this little write-up from the OKC Friday – Oklahoma's premier newsletter for rich people from Nichols Hills.

Here's a screenshot:

First of all, do you like how The Friday arbitrarily called out Oprah Winfrey in their write-up? Tom and Judy Love ranked ahead of 969 other billionaires, and The Friday focused on the fact that they're nearly 1,000 spots higher than the richest Black woman in America. I'm sure that made Fridaylanders relieved and happy!

Second, say what you want about Oklahoma and our rich people, but at least our billionaires look like authentic Oklahomans. They don't get all glitzy and glammed-up, and in Tom's case, go to the dentist like other billionaires across the country. No, they're authentic Oklahomans who look like they fill up their RV with gas (and country music CDs) from Love's... not the billionaire owners of Love's.

I think that's a trend amongst Oklahoma's rich people. They don't let money change them or who they are. For example, Hobby Lobby founder David Green was ranked number No. 327 with a net worth of $7.6 billion. Just think of all the forged biblical artifacts you could buy with that much money!

Anyway, David Green is a prude, controlling, right-wing Evangelical fundamentalist who's probably a shitter tipper, and well, he looks exactly prude, controlling, right-wing Evangelical fundamentalist who's probably a shitter tipper...

Seriously, I can totally see him taking the family to Cracker Barrell at I-40 and Meridian for an after-church Sunday brunch and tipping their waitress $5 on a $95 tab.

Actually, I take that back. Just like how Hobby Lobby would never support Chinese businesses that have atrocious records when it comes to human rights, I doubt the Green's would hypocritically support businesses that are open on Sunday.

Harold Hamm also looks the part. He was ranked 247 on the list with a net worth of $9.4-billion – nearly $7-billion more than Oprah Winfrey! He looks like a sun-dried Oklahoma ham and is, in fact, a sun-dried Oklahoma Hamm.

Of course, you can't mention Oklahoma billionaires without mentioning our pal from Tulsa - George Kaiser. He ranked number 476 with a net worth of about $5-billion. He looks like a rich banker from Tulsa and is a rich banker from Tulsa.

Out of all the Oklahoma billionaires, I'd say George Kaiser is my favorite. He appears relatively grounded for an insanely rich person who earns more from one day of interest and dividends than most people will earn in their life. He also does stuff like give hundreds of millions of dollars to the city of Tulsa to build the park of all parks. Meanwhile, the Love gave Oklahoma City $2-million to build a stage for a publically funded park that's too small for the Kings of Leon to play on.

Anyway, I'm sure there are probably some other Oklahomans on this list that I may have overlooked that also probably look like Oklahomans. If you're still reading at this point, find them on here and let me know in the comments.

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