10 Better Uses for the Gold Dome building!
10:39 AM EDT on April 8, 2021
Good news, my fellow Oklahomans!
Word on the street is that 23rd's historic Gold Dome building will soon be renovated and turned into
a bank, pile of rubble, Walgreens, engineering firm, Natural Grocers, a music venue! If the plan comes to fruition – and with The Gold Dome that's always a big "if" – it will give the hundreds of thousands of Metro residents who don't attend concerts already another concert venue on NW 23rd to not support.
While I am all for Oklahoma City having more options for live music venues that Bob Barker wouldn't protest, I think there are better options for the historic landmark.
In fact, here are 10 great ideas for the Gold Dome building!
An Oklahoma Lawmaker Corrective Action Training Facility
According to Mapquest, this bad boy is only 2 miles and 20 cents’ worth of taxpayer-funded fuel away from the Oklahoma State Capitol Building. Between the sexism and racism pulsating through the veins of the Capitol, having a permanent fixture to which to send our esteemed lawmakers to sensitivity training will pay for itself in saved legal fees in less than 3 months.
A Golden Corral
Again, let the golden boob serve as an advertisement for itself. Having 20% of our population vaccinated means that Oklahomans are 100% ready to stand in line while being hovered over by a sweaty man who is praying you don’t take the last hushpuppy with the communal tongs.
Now that Oklahoma is allowing out-of-state folks to get vaccinated here, kill two birds with one stone by inviting tourists to a vaccine clinic in this historic landmark. It would be a more effective tourism marketing strategy than Stitt’s lame-ass, pandemic-ignoring commercial cameo.
Now that schools are going back to 4 and 5 day school weeks, schools are probably all back to their usual 20 or so kids per class. If you're not going to give teachers adequate funding for their classrooms, at least give them a break by letting them send a few 5-year-olds to the Gold Dome Kindergarten Overflow Facility for a couple of hours a day.
Scooters Coffee shacks are like dispensaries because they are popping up on every corner and I am still confused as to how the market can support so many. What’s one more going to hurt?
The Oklahoma County Jail
If the Gold Dome has working toilets, it’s better than the facility they’re in now.
US Stormchaser Hall of Fame
Is there a US Stormchaser Hall of Fame? No. Get to work OKC Chamber of Commerce and make this happen.
The NRA Headquarters
Last month, we made our case as to why the NRA should move its national headquarters to Oklahoma. What better place to put their headquarters than the Gold Dome because 1. If you squint hard enough the dome looks like a .380 cartridge and 2. what better alliteration for a new NRA tagline than, "Guns, God, and Gold"?
Let the golden boob serve as an advertisement for itself.
A Tiger Zoo
There’s a hole in the marketplace that has been unfulfilled since the Greater Wynnewood Animal Park closed last year. Oklahomans have needs, man. Give us the goddam Gold Dome Tiger Zoo.