As the old saying goes, when life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. Well, when the Oklahoma weather gave us an October ice storm, our emergency management departments gave us free mulch! But if you missed your chance last Saturday to pick up your share, don’t fret. Here are 5 other useless things Oklahomans can shred for mulch!
KKK Recruitment Posters
These have unfortunately been distributed all across Kay County. Fortunately, with a $40 shredder from Amazon, you can mulch up to 8 of them sunsabucks at a time.
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Trump 2020 Flags
Whether or not he’ll be allowed to run in the 2024 election, we can all agree that Trump is officially out-of-the-running for the 2020 ticket. Unless you're delusional or an Oklahoma lawmaker, that is.
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Those Concert Tickets
I remember back in April when my sister and I were convinced “this” would all be over by the time Willie Nelson was set to take the stage at the Oklahoma Born & Raised Country Music Festival in June last year. Now we’re not even hopeful that “this” will all be over by June of this year. So unless you’re ready to cosplay as a hamster at the next Flaming Lips show, it’s time to give up on those concert tickets. It’s not like Ticket Master has been too keen on giving Oklahomans refunds anyway.
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Day-Old Lottery Tickets
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if the lottery pot has grown significantly the day after the drawing, you probably didn’t hit it big.
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Anything Justin Humphrey Tries to Pass off as a “Bill”
Justin Humphrey’s track record as an Oklahoma lawmaker shows he wants to make it easier to kill a mythical creature in this state than for a woman to end an unwanted pregnancy. His bills would look better shredded and mixed with the cow shit in my fertilizer bucket than on the Oklahoma lawbooks.
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Hayley needs mulch for her potato buckets. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek and become a contributing member of TLO here.
